Octopussy: Bond Brief


Instead of the usual subversion of a capitalist apotheosis we follow a communist manqué as he struggles to be free. The back end of a pantomime horse serves as adequate camouflage for a flying car. Bond emerges fully formed from the mouth of a crocodile. A mustache opens many doors in the Cuban army. A life of crime is passed down through familial channels. Bond is a friend of the family. She’s the guru of a sapphic smuggler’s octopus cult and he’s a weary coital explorer. She has money and Bond makes her pay.

An undercover clown delivers a fake Faberge egg to the Ambassador. The KGB’s entire budget is financed solely through the sale of false Faberge eggs. Inflation forces ordinary Russians to purchase their groceries with wheelbarrows full of Faberge eggs. M’s office is cooled solely by Moneypenny’s antipathy towards Bond. Bellhops imply solicitations are welcome. Bond finds Indian food to be an acquired taste. An assassin uses a dangerous yoyo. The dreams of English orientalists pollute the streets of Rajasthan. A degrading heat percolates through everything.

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Wild animals obey Bond’s commands. A traveling circus smuggles a nuclear bomb into an army base. Money falls from heaven. The men have slippery smiles. Bond puts on a Pierrot mask and convinces a general. Later, he feigns invalidity for some reason. A rogue general has his face sliced off. It falls to the ground and lays there like a used towel. Bond is made to step on it and do that foot twisting motion.

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Euclis is a recluse that none of us know much about, except he seems smart. One day we'll know for sure.