FLESH GORDON

Long before Marilyn Chambers went Behind The Green Door, this big screen porno classic was shot. I’ll try to get as much of the plot line straight as possible. A Sex Ray from planet Porno is sent to Earth forcing everyone in its path to commit wanton acts of debauchery until Flesh Gordon and Dr. Flexi Jerkoff take Dale, a hot nympho who spends most of the movie naked and fucking, and try to stop them. Their spaceship is a gigantic, golden penis. On planet Porno they meet Wang the dictator, a Penisaurus Rex, and non-stop pudd pulling action. Sure this movie is older than your mom’s IUD, more worn out than your grandma’s diaphram, but it’s full of naked chicks! How can you say no to naked chicks? No?

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Ruthless Ratings:

• Overall: 8
• Acting: 4
• Direction: 4
• Script: 7
• Stroke Factor: 10 tissue boxes +

Special Ruthless Porno Ratings:

• Number of times I thought of Barbarella: 9
• Number of times I laughed my ass off: 5
• Number of times I thought of smoking crack: 0
• Number of times I wished I could have directed this movie: 3

Most Memorable Momemt

• “Porno shall have a new queen tonight! Out of my way dildo!”

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