Written and Directed by Pauly ShoreStarring:
– Hollywood as it’s Loathsome Self
Alright, alright, alright; YES, I actually spent money to rent a Pauly Shore movie. Get fucked. But, I did so under false pretenses. Someone, who shall remain nameless but who owes me $2.50 told me that that Pauly Shore Is Dead was actually a black-documentary where a “fake” film crew tells honest to goodness celebrities that Pauly has died and then captures their reactions an film, many of which are harsh. That would have been fucking brilliant. But, unfortunately, all the celebrities are in on the joke, hence it is not so funny. And I mean, I really should not have expected it to be funny, seeing as how Pauly Shore, the scourge/staple of MTV wrote and directed the movie. believe you me; I rented this movie under false premises.
A big however must be stated though, because the first third of the movie is downright hilarious. I’ll deal with the final two-thirds in a bit. So the movie starts out with Pauly killing himself (if only…naw, I can’t even saw that. I don’t care that much), but then flashing back to 1997 and explaining just how low he had sank. He’s drinking in a trailer with Charlie Sheen and Pauly asks Charlie how he has managed to stay so close to the top. To which Martin’s son answers, “Talent. And good genetics.” The trip back through time starts off by with his inexplicable meteoric rise to fame and fortune. For those who don’t know, Pauly’s mom owns either the Comedy Store or the Laugh Factory (I forget which and I don’t care) in Hollywood. So, from an early age, he was around big time talent. His mother even let Sam Kinison baby-sit young Pauly once (what I would not have given…). Then Pauly gets his big break on MTV as the brain-dead stoner idiot,
“The Wiezl.” Then he stars in a half-dozen utterly shitty movies. I mean, I only have one good eye left because of Bio dome. Then, as Pauly says, the worst thing that could happen to an actor happened to him; He got a sitcom on FOX. I have to say that right
there, ragging on FOX, showed me a side of Pauly that I didn’t think possible–actual insight.
So the real yucks begin when Pauly’s world starts to fall apart. To list them;
- Pauly’s sitcom–where he plays a spoiled rich Jewish kid from Brentwood instead of a kronick moron–gets the lowest ratings in the history of network TV, is cancelled after only one episode. It is replaced by When Animals Attack. When Pauly’s agent tells him the news, Pauly exclaims, “I can attack!” Horgh!
- As Bill Maher watches Pauly’s sitcom he comments, “He should be incinerated.”
- Tom Sizemore–who is actually really funny throughout the
film–has a girl over to watch the premiere of Pauly’s sitcom. She’s
underaged and has to call her mom to come get her (which is really
funny, cause a girl I used to, uh, “date” used to fuck Tom Sizemore and
Vince Vaughn when she was in high school. She might have fucked one of
them while her equally young friend fucked the other. I forget. The
point is, Sizemore and Vaughn were a decade out of high school–at
least!–at the time) but he tells her that he can give her a ride. She
says, “arenít you that creepy guy from all those movies?” To which
Sizemore answers, “no, that’s Michael Madsen.”
- Pauly and his buddy Kirk Fox (the movie’s co-writer) come
across Gerardo (think “Rico Suave”) selling bags of oranges and
chiclets with his son on the side of Mulholland Drive. Despite being
despicably racist, it was funny.
- Kirk has a meeting with Sean Penn and Pauly begs his best
friend to see if Penn has a role for Shore in his new movie. It cuts to
Sean Penn, wasted at Molly Malones (this shit faux-dive bar on Fairfax)
saying, “I should get that guy to be in my movie. You know, the one
from that one movie. With the Baldwin brother with the eyebrows. The
young one. Bio something. You know the ferret guy on MTV. What’s his name?” Kirk tells Sean he has no idea who he’s talking about.
- Pauly’s accountant explains that Pauly has spent on average
$3,000 a month on hookers, and as a result is broke and has to sell his
- Carrot Top moves into Pauly’s house. Pauly is devastated.
- Pauly has to move into his Mom’s house, and he almost hits
Vern Troyer with his car. Vern is walking his dog. Pauly asks which one
of them takes a bigger shit. Vern responds, “Whoever just watched Bio Dome.”
- Pauly tries to see if MTV will have him back. They throw him
out the window. Lying on the ground, covered in glass and blood, he
moans, “Great. I have to go to VH1…”
- I don’t know why I thought this next part was so funny, but
Pauly is watching a porno and he calls the girl up whose in the porno.
I guess he used to date her. He’s jerking off and making her talk
dirty. She really doesn’t want to. Pauly’s mom calls on call waiting
and he just keeps jerking off even though he’s fucked up the call
waiting and it’s his mom on the phone, not the porn slut.
- Pauly gets a whore from Heidi Fleiss, but he only has $84. The whore is disgusted.
The above are basically the funny parts of the movie. Then he gets paid a visit by the ghost of Sam Kinison who tells him that he ought to kill himself. And from there on out, the movie stops being funny, and just becomes this maddeningly insular Hollywood circle-jerk. Pauly fakes his own death and then all these celebrities (Snoop Dogg, the Hilton Sisters, Ben “Yes, I’m Available!” Stiller, Dr. Dre, Ellen “Yawn” Degeneres, etc.) begin beautifying Pauly, explaining what a comedic genius he is. Actually, to be fair, there is a really good recurring bit with Kurt Loder where he has to announce Pauly’s death on MTV News–which he does in his typical deadpan style–and as soon as the segment is over, the camera pulls back and an assistant brings him a lit cigarette and he starts talking about how untalented Shore is. Then, when everyone finds out Pauly faked it, all the celebrities start talking shit about him. Standard and predictable like.
Like Porn Star: the Legend of Ron Jeremy, this movie leaves you feeling sad, for Pauly’s life really has no meaning whatsoever outside of Hollywood and its trappings. Both Ron and Pauly chase fame relentlessly without the necessary talent. Bio Dome aside, I don’t hate the guy. I was too young and drunk and stoned to even really remember what he was like. But, there is a hollowness if you will–a soullessness–to Pauly that is really pathetic. I mean, I can despise the patheticness, but not so much the man. He’s too pathetic to hate. I’m talking in circles. Like, why spend the first third of the film trashing the cruelty, arbitrariness and really meaninglessness of Hollywood if you are just going to basically bow down at the end of the film and say, “Please love me like I love you?” For whatever reason, after it is found out that he faked his own death (D’oh! Again there is a funny part where he is procuring materials to pose a cadaver as the dead Pauly and he has to go buy pills in an alley from Corey Feldman) he is arrested and put in prison. But, it’s not just normal jail, but “Hollywood Jail” and you just start to see that there is no absolution for Pauly. There is no way out. He’s a victim of who he is, incapable of change. Moreover, you realize that the real reason his sitcom tanked is because no one gives a fuck about a spoiled rich Jewish kid from Brentwood.