It’s the role Ron Jeremy was born to play – himself. If you’ve seen Being John Malkovich, you’ve seen Being Ron Jeremy, only this time the portal is in a porno booth, the victim is the Hedgehog himself, and the only way to leave his mind is after he rips an ass-splitting fart. Immediately thereafter, one is deposited nude in a dumpster. Brian (Brian Berke, also the writer/director) is a wannabe stand-up comic who discovers this bizarre pathway while masturbating (of course), and Mia (Mia Crowe) is the chick that wants to use him to finally have a crack at her fantasy man. In other words, while Brian is inside Ron, she wants him to “direct” the porn king to fuck her ten ways to Sunday. I’d say it’s inspired, but it’s nothing more than a scene-for-scene rip-off of the Spike Jonze classic. Sure, it’s far shorter (around 33 minutes by my counter), but brevity does little to make the whole thing more endurable.

Jeremy is a treat as always, whether he’s covered with sweat and dozing on the couch (which is often), or slamming some hottie during an audition. I have no way of evaluating his acting, although he seems to be comfortable doing practically anything. During an extended scene where Jeremy trades lines with an actress seeking work (while Andy Dick sits nearby massaging the girl’s tits), he is cool and relaxed, despite the fact that the young tart lacks any talent whatsoever, even for someone seeking a life in porn. His dilemma lies in the fact that because he’s being invaded by dozens of virginal perverts, he’s suddenly lost command of his cock and shoots his wad within seconds of being on set. As a result, his porn career is in trouble. Then Brian takes over for several months, pushing Ron away from the life and sending him to clubs where he can fulfill Brian’s wish of being a comedian. Needless to say, the jokes aren’t even remotely funny, but audiences eat it up because he’s, well, Ron Jeremy.

Of course, there’s the scene where Ron enters his own portal, but instead of “Malkovich, Malkovich,” he sees and hears nothing but “Cock.” And how about the queue of portal-seekers, one of which is a frustrated nerd who always seems to get Jeremy when he’s jerking off, while another is a gay dude who hopes that his entrance coincides with Ron giving himself a blowjob. This appears to be the first feature from “Horny Jew Productions,” but with the pull this Berke guy seems to have, I imagine there’s more to come. Ha, I made a funny.

About Matt

Matt is the site’s Longest Serving Critic and chief misanthrope. He divides his time between classics of cinema and the most ridiculous movies he can find on Redbox.
Follow Matt: @mattcale52