Playstation 4 Review

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Well, the Playstation 4 just hit and once again I am reminded that the most meaningful relationships I’ve ever had involved plastic boxes that play games. You know, toys. Sometimes the sadness eats at my insides in ways you couldn’t possibly imagine. It is a hell I would never wish on another person. And… it’s time to talk about the console and games!

Wait a second, was it hard for you to get one?

Since I am not member of the gaming press, I did not go to a party and get a free console and a stack of games while drinking free alcohol. So I had to buy one. We do live in the year 2013 so if you want anything on release day and have the money it shouldn’t be a problem for anyone at all, as long as you put in a little effort. Mine was preordered months ago and slowly paid off. Funny story: I don’t ask for time off of work because I think I will be replaced by a robot, kicked out of my home, and abandoned on the streets, which is something all Americans live in constant fear of. So I sent someone else to go to the store early for me so I could get a low number and be near the front when they let people who preordered line up later that night. The instructions were very simple but they proceeded to annoy the employees of the store anyway, demanding that they just give the console over. I was very embarrassed when I was told about this.

Is the stuff made of decent quality?

It was made in a sweatshop so of course it’s not well made. The best thing about it is the DS4 controller, which is far better than the old DS3. I’ll go on record and say the DS3 may be the worst controller ever made as a pack in for a console. Sticks and d-pad were trash and the trigger and buttons felt like mush. DS4 fixes all of that so good on them. The system wobbles, which I think is suppose to make it earthquake proof for the Japanese market. The headset is a wire with a single earbud on it that is garbage. I can’t even use it so I threw it out. I really wanted to tell some kid in Maryland about all the things I did to his mom.

Does remote play with a Vita work well. How about streaming stuff online?

I don’t know and based on Vita sales I doubt many people care anyway. Streaming stuff is neat. I almost bought a Playstation Camera for it. I decided against it because I was afraid I would start streaming in my underwear without knowing it.

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What about the games?

Like you don’t already know. I bought four so lets do a quick rundown. Killzone is alright for what it is. Single player is a little bland but has a cool look to it and multiplayer is fun. Battlefield 4 is what it is so if you don’t know about it by now it’s on you. Assassin’s Creed 4 looks and plays great and is probably the best of the group. The worst is Knack. Do you have Netflix? Go to the kids movie section and look through them. Notice all of the cheap Pixar knockoffs. That’s what Knack is. It is the the nicest thing I can say about it.

We have to pay for online now, right?

Correct. You can be pissed about it all you want, you are still going to pay for it. Now there is a little gem of game you don’t have to pay for outright when you pay for the online service. It’s Defender but they slapped new visuals on it.

Defender?

Yeah, they call it Resogun now but they ain’t fooling anyone. I hope they get sued.

So is it worth it or not?

Yes, but only because I doubt you would take the $400 and go outside and enjoy life with it. I bet if I took all the money I spent on video games and did something else with it I would probably have something memorable to tell people about. Like that time I went skydiving in Colorado. But that never happened because I spent money on Knack.

But I have a well paying job so I can buy a PS4 and travel the world with ease.

Then take me with you.

 

About Albert

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Albert has a PhD in Nerdish Studies from the University of The Streets.