One thing that bothers me about this show is that someone was paid something in the seven figure range for “creating” it, that is, seeing Meet the Parents and saying, “we should do the same thing with real people.”

On the other hand this show is relatively entertaining, so maybe the guy deserves it. Contestants are made to answer a series of probing questions from the parents of their potential dates while strapped to a lie detector. They are put on stage as stand up comics with no preparation and just generally humiliated. The end result is like a “who my baby daddy?” episode of “The Jenny Jones Show” crossed with “Survivor.” Wow, that sounds bad, and I guess it is, but I laughed a couple of times.

Just for the record, however, I would like to create some more reality shows. You, ruthless readers, are my witnesses. I had all of these ideas first, not counting the people who had them first. Seriously, I think some of these are pretty good. I’d watch “Dial H For Homicide.” Well, no I wouldn’t, but maybe you would.

“You’ll Never Catch Me” – Just like Catch Me if You Can but with real people. Contestants must successfully pass themselves off as lawyers, airline pilots, etc. to win prizes.

“Hour 25” – Just like The 25th Hour except we follow real criminals on their last days of freedom.

“Joe High School” – Just like Happy Gilmore, Never Been Kissed, etc. A real person gets to live out the wistful cliche, “if only I knew then what I know now” and go back to school with immunity from statutory rape charges as we follow the hilarious and touching results.

“Dial H for Homicide” – Sort of like “Dial M for Murder” or any number of other movies, but with real people. Contestants must plan and stage a phony, perfect murder to see if they could get away with the real thing. There are legal issues here, but ideally, the local PD would be made to think a real murder had happened, then paid off by the network later to make up for their lost time. More likely, the network would bring in off duty/retired cops, coroners, D.A.’s and so forth and instruct them to act as they would in a real murder case. The first episode would be a guy “murdering” his wife.

Incidentally, I thought of doing a reality detective show, “Joe Sleuth” or something, but the people who volunteer for reality shows are far too stupid for a detective show to work. The participants on “Meet My Folks,” are a good example. I would be astonished if any off them could calculate the tip on a $45 meal. It would take them ten seasons to solve a murder mystery.

“On The Run.” – This is sort of like The Fugitive, but there’s a twist: we use real people. Contestants are given some minor provisions, a head start and are pursued by off-duty/retired U.S. Marshals. A reward is posted for information leading to the arrest of the contestant. Every 24 hours they go without getting caught brings them $10,000.

“Crossroads” – No sly re-naming. Real life people take turns beating and excreting on everyone involved with the film Crossroads

Special Ruthless Ratings

• Number of times you considered creating a show called “Meat My Folks!” and pitching it to TAWP: 3
• Factor by which “The Simpsons” is superior: 55 Million