Janet’s Freedom-Hating
Filthy Fucking Titty
Crack a beer and watch as America
gets dumber and dumber and dumber and…
I put on CNN this Wednesday and Janet Jackson’s breast baring stunt was still a prominent story, four days after it had happened. I was shocked. Although it’s beginning to taper off, discussion of the story is still to be heard on the news networks.
I want to express a series of clichés in an original way here (not sure I can) because the complacency of the media, and America in general, hit me with a new force. Our country is at war…at war! We are choosing the Democratic presidential candidate. Our economy is in a precarious state. Unsubstantiated rumors of a world outside of the United States persist. It just blows my mind that the major news outlets managed to manufacture such a huge story out of a moment of poor taste on the part of a washed up pop star and an exboy-band loser desperate to prove his masculinity. But that, in itself, is a worthwhile story.
We Have A Bigger Problem Now
Maybe what is so striking about the Janet scandal, in contrast to other junk news stories, is the fact that it is so totally devoid of substance. The OJ case, for example, involved a double murder and all of the police work that goes with that, plus the trial, the racial element, the class element and so on. The Michael Jackson story is about the biggest music star since Elvis P. openly practicing pedophilia for over a decade. These junk news stories aren’t worthy of the attention they receive, but at least there is something to talk about. In this case, Justin exposed Janet’s boob. That’s it. How do you get dozens of hours of news coverage out of that? See, in Europe, where they have regular nudity on TV and a much lower murder and incarceration rate, people couldn’t ever be bothered to think about shit like this. Hence on average Europeans tend to know that something is happening outside of Europe. Of course in Syria or Saudi Arabia a boob would be a major headline… Man, we’re fucked.
Naturally, the federal government has stepped in. I think we tend to take the absurdity of things like this for granted, so I want you to pretend you are a planet inhabited by rational beings. Think about all of the problems the U.S. and the world face — children staring to death, the clash of Islamic and Western civilizations, the environment falling apart, Bush and Rove and Cheney actively working to destroy the environment — and react to that again. “Boob momentarily exposed on TV. Federal government snaps into action.” As Howard Stern pointed out, we might not get an investigation about our reasons for going to war. We’ll probably all be dead before all of the intelligence about 9-11 is made public. But, damnit, we’ll sure get a full investigation into Janet’s boob. God bless America.
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