This showed up on Craig’s List the other day

Reviews wanted by new artist Carol Alban. Any aspiring writers out there?
Check out the first song on my mp3 site and let me know what you think.
Thanks! Carol Alban

There’s a reason we’re not called “Pleasant Reviews”

Judi Capps Everybody

“I Don’t Know (Where I’m Going To)” by Carol Alban is sappy, dimwitted and poorly executed.

If Yanni and Alanis went to Ireland and toured the Ring of Kerry aboard
an air-conditioned motor coach, absorbing Disneyfied “traditional”
entertainment en route, the result would be the same.

A bad fine arts education at SFSU is no excuse for this lackluster sugar-fest.

By the way, is this song 22 minutes long, or is it just me?

Jonny Sez…

Technically speaking, I am sure it is possible to write and record
worse music than Carol Alban. I am a firm believer in humankind’s
ability to perpetually lower itself to the very bottom of the barrel.
Have you ever heard deaf people scream? It is pretty awful and right on
par with what Carol Alban is doing on this song.

I don’t know what else to say. Oh wait. The music is really weak and
the addition of the flute only hurts the overall song. Why the hell
would you have a flute in an acoustic guitar song anyway? It would be
like having a french horn in Stray Cats’ song. Out of place and adding

I don’t know where Carol Alban is going to, either. I do know she is
not going on tour. Cause her audiences would beat her to death on the

Mr. B proves that Brits have more refined taste than they let on

My Review

[That song] is so bad I just puked up 2 pints of Whitby Black Dog and a bottle and a
half of Anjou Rouge laughing.

Ruthless Ratings

  • Is it worth downloading: If you are in the mood for a joke, then yes
  • On a scale of 1-10 how much weaker is this song than anything Jewel has ever done: 7
About Jonny Lieberman

Jonny was the site’s co-founder and helped carry the place in the early years. There was a falling out with Erich and he left the site for good, but a lot of his reviews live on. He has moved on to a successful career writing about cars. Look him up.