God speaks out about attorneys

Mike Johnson is a man who believes God created everything for a reason. After a long week that included listening to a close friend complain about his divorce attorney, another friend complain about his defense attorney, his sister complain about a self-righteous prosecutor, and a brother who was had just begun dealing with an accident attorney, Mike questioned whether there really was a reason God created so many attorneys.

One evening, God came to Mike in a dream to explain to him why some attorneys were created. God said:

Divorce is a sad process that mixes family, emotions and money. It is emotionally and spiritually difficult to endure. To navigate this process, I needed people who were heartless and cold enough to remain unaffected by the heavy emotional nature of the situation. After much consideration, I created divorce lawyers to take on this responsibility. Only they lack the compassion and basic human decency that can sometimes deter other attorneys from making a rational argument.

Defense attorneys are one of my most important creations, because they truly challenge free will. Remember that I gave you freedom to choose between right and wrong, and the devil tries to oftentimes tempt you to make the wrong choice. Defense attorneys will do the same. Despite your better instincts, they use confusing language and present unrealistic scenarios to hijack your mind and manipulate your free will.

Prosecutors, however, are what make those devilish defense attorneys necessary. They were created to punish the wicked, but the devil quickly found a way around this. He created something called a conviction record, which ended up motivating prosecutors to convict everyone for anything. Often, it mattered little whether the person was guilty or innocent. The conviction record now guided every decision.

The attorneys who truly benefit off your misery, however, are accident attorneys or personal injury attorneys. If you suffer an injury that changes your life for the worse, accident attorneys will be right there by your side to make sure they financially profit off of your misfortune. These attorneys, though, are very necessary.

As I said before, I gave everyone free will. Many times, when a person’s negligence causes someone to get hurt, they don’t always do the right thing and compensate the injured person. After suffering an event that leads to physical and emotional problems, help from an outside force is needed to obtain proper compensation. Accident attorneys are the heroes I created to see that people don’t have to suffer longer than necessary because of someone else’s negligence. Because of this, I have allowed these attorneys to take a part of the compensation they win. I’ve also allowed them to seek rewards beyond equal compensation, so that both they and their clients can profit from a bad event.”

After waking up and pondering God’s explanation, Mike decided that he didn’t want to deal with an attorney as long as he lived. Despite this thought, Mike was thankful that if he ever did need an attorney, God created plenty to choose from.

About Herman Gordon