RUTHLESS NFL PICK-OFF: WEEK 6

Baltimore @ Minnesota -3

Tony: Fuck Ray Lewis. Fuck Brett Favre. I’m still not convinced by Baltimore’s offense, and Minnesota’s D is solid. Gosh I wish someone would end Ray Lewis’s career. Minnesota.

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Dick: Up to now the Vikings have had it pretty easy save for the games against the Niners and Packers, but things start to interesting this week as they take on the pissed off Ravens and could be missing both Percy Harvin and Phil Loadhoate. This is a trap game if I ever saw one, but the Vikings have a shitload of momentum and Favre looks like he’s 38 again, on Viagra, and comfortable in his shitty Wranglers and just playing a little and catch to spite Mike Thompson.

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Sax: I think we might have been a little too eager to crown Baltimore’s asses. They’re getting 3 on the road, which means Vegas considers the teams equal, which is uh… wrong. Minnesota wins. God damnit.

Minnesota_Vikings_Helmet

NY Giants @ New Orleans -3

Tony: THIS ONE IS GUARANTEED TO BE A SHOOTOUT! THIS COULD BE A PREVIEW OF THE NFC CHAMPIONSHIP!! Or not. Whatever. I don’t really like Todd Flanders, but, in big games like this, I’m not going to pick the Taints until they make me pick them. MAKE ME!! New York.

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Dick: Bad foot or not, Eli Manning is leading maybe the best team in football. The Saints have found a defense and a balanced running attack allowing Drew Brees to take the last few weeks off, but the Giants defense is not going to be giving up big plays or allow any Brees’ mediocre receivers to just go running around like they are playing smear the queer. That the Saints are favored is a nod to the Superdome, but the Giants will win by 10.

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Sax: I have faith in Drew Brees and his hair.

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Chicago @ Atlanta -3

Tony: Now that Kyle Orton (KYLE ORTON!) has the Donkeys at 5-0, I feel more secure hating Cutler and his prolific bottom lip. Following McDanielsgate, I was sure I would spend the entire season all butthurt while Chicago went 12-4 and the Horsies wallowed somewhere around 6-10. I suppose both are still possible. Whatever. I get the feeling Atlanta’s road-shellacking of San Fran is the only reason this spread is more than 1 point, so I don’t really trust it. Atlanta is pretty solid at home, and, honestly, I can’t not pick them, so I’ll just stop writing already. Atlanta.

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Dick: Games like this make me want to slash my wrists. Chicago’s starting to come into their own but Atlanta just busted my nuts last week when they creamed San Francisco and since ESPN’s Madden simulation picked them, I gotta take the Falcons. I am seriously fucked.

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Sax: I still maintain that Chicago blows. Good job with Cedric Benson, Lovie.

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Denver @ San Diego -4

Tony: Yes, the hype surrounding Denver is overblown and the Donkeys need to keep their feet on the ground lest they get caught with their pants down in Sand Diego. San Diego is last in the league in rushing offense (53.8 YPG). I was hoping to find several other damning stats, but that’s all I got. So, San Diego’s run game sucks, and I think Denver’s secondary will contain Philip Rivers. Also, fuck Philip Rivers. Denver.

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Dick:
How the Chargers are favored I’ll never know especially since AJ Smith is doing more stupid things like calling his injury-riddled team a bunch of pussies and Norv Turner is still in charge. I think the Donkeys’ season is a complete fluke, but the Chargers are seriously fucked and have received absolutely zero moral support from the front office, so it’s pretty easy to see Denver covering this one with ease.

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Sax: I still desperately want to pick against the Broncos, but the Chargers have no running game and the Donks have Champ Bailey, and Kyle Orton has looked… gulp… impressive. I hate my life. Denver.

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Standings

1. Tony (14-6) (4-0 last week)

2. Dick (10-10) (2-2 last week)

3. Sax (9-11) (2-2 last week)

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