UNDEFEATABLE

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Undefeatable opens with orchestra music blaring on the soundtrack. Something dramatic is happening! We see a fuckable, redheaded housewife talking to her redheaded shrink, also fairly fuckable. It would be a great porn setup if the acting was better. The session pertains to the mean-spirited antics of Stingray, a cage fighter who likes fighting, but loves marital rape. In fact, Sting Ray is so into his redheaded wife that when he rapes her, he actually thinks of the black guy he just hammered in the ring. We see him passionately linger on the memory of a would-be death blow right before he drops his load. I guess it is little things like this that make Sting Ray’s wife go to counseling. Anyway, the shrink tells the wife to leave Sting Ray, so she does, so of course Stingray freaks out, breaks a table, and remembers his mother leaving him, to which he intones “Don’t leave me mommy, I’ll be good.” Stingray is crazy like… not so much a fox, as someone with an array of very serious psychological problems.

In case Stingray’s state of mind is still unclear to the viewer, we learn that he calls his wife “Mommy” during intercourse (or marital rape) and, even during non-rape moments, says things to her like, “I want to play, mommy!” This movie is psychologically deep. For example, we can tell that Stingray’s problems are getting worse because he begins throwing pop can tabs at people. Then poking their eyes out. Then kidnapping all women with red hair who wear flowered dresses, taking them back to his lair, beating them with a chain in some type of S&M ritual, raping them and then ripping their eyes out and storing the eyes in his fish tank. Because if Stingray can’t have Anna (his wife), he will kill anyone that reminds him of her. And all of this carnage could have been avoided if only Stingray’s mother had breast fed him.

Enter street fighter Cynthia Rothrock, a redhead who works as a waitress during the day but at night dukes it out with other street fighters so she can put her little sister, who has, you guessed it… red hair, through college. Anyway you can pretty much guess what happens next: how Rothrock’s sister will remind Stingray of his beloved and so will be murdered in the Stingray style; how this will piss off Cynthia Rothrock, in one of the worst acted scenes in the history of film; how  this will lead to a vengeful confrontation between Cynthia Rothrock and Stingray. This is also around the time we first meet John Miller, the cop who “knows his name,” according to the nonsensical trailer. He’s also a martial arts expert and the man on the case of Stingray’s serial killings. We are introduced to John as some guy swings a machete at him, bellowing, “Suck my dick!” to which our kung fu cop says, “Suck this, jerk-off!” and jams a gun into the perp’s special area. This establishes the fact that John is here to save the day. Because, professional fighter or not, would anyone find it believable if Cynthia Rothrock got her own vengeance? No, this film happened before J-Lo could take four cardio kickboxing classes and beat down her six-foot-four, abusive husband in Enough, changing the way we think about gender roles forever. And if there’s one thing Undefeatable strives for, it’s credibility. So as you might have guessed, the kung fu cop and Cynthia Rothrock join forces to bring Sting Ray to justice, which then leads to a ridiculous police investigation that wouldn’t pass muster on “The Andy Griffith Show,” and a legendary finale in which they blind and kill the villain.

Undefeatable is a movie that would have certainly offended women’s groups if more than 800 people had seen it. The movie often sides with the crazed, misogynistic killer, especially since he’s the only person who has a history about which the audience knows anything. It’s blatantly obvious that the filmmakers hold the women in Stingray’s life responsible for his violent actions. His wife is seen denying him sex, not having dinner ready after fight night and having the audacity to leave him over some incest-flavored rape. Stingray’s mother then is seen as real slut because she chose another man over her beloved son, whom she obviously molested. So, according to Undefeatable, the cunts in this film deserve what they get. If anything, they get off easy. Stingray’s wife even wants him to be more sensitive, kindhearted and work as a mechanic, rather than compete in a sport with no future, in which he risks death. The castrating bitch.

More telling is how, even though Stingray killed Cynthia Rothrock’s sister, Rothrock doesn’t even really get the revenge. In fact, Rothrock’s attempts at vengeance are clearly seen as a joke, as she confronts the wrong guys and indeed, is told by the kung fu cop that she knows absolutely nothing about how to exact biblical vengeance. After Miller’s lecture, Rothrock ceases to investigate her sister’s murder on her own, settling to be a sidekick/fuck-buddy to the kung fu cop trying to bring the killer to justice. John Miller delivers Stingray’s demise, but true to the 80s Action rule, only after his male cop partner is killed. By the end of the film, Cynthia’s sister is a mere footnote to all concerned. We’re still not done. Stingray dumps the women’s bodies in porta-potties, where the whores all belong. The film only regrets that there wasn’t a less dignified place. The guys that die in this film are left on streets, lawns and warehouses, but every woman that dies in this film is found in a porta-potty. What else can be said?

In the homoerotic arena we see Stingray and the kung fu cop engage in shirtless fisticuffs that involve close-up punches to the head (with mucus flying out of their mouths on contact) and shirts getting ripped. Obvious cock substitutes (in this case a Cobra Knife) are used to carve rippling torso flesh. Indeed, Stingray even licks the “blood” off his “knife” after cutting the cop. As mentioned earlier, we see him think of black guys during the rape of his wife, so there’s no reason to think black dick is far from his mind when he rapes women who look like his wife. A woman even hits on Stingray and he turns her down! So is it possible Stingray is the flipside of the killer in Cruising, in that instead of killing homosexuals, he kills women because he can’t come to terms with his gayness. I mean, Christ almighty, the man is rippled enough to force Fred Phelps out of the closet, and how much hair product was used to keep that Buttafuco mullet fluffed? Who on earth does Stingray think he’s fooling anyway with the name “Stingray”? Looking a lot like one of The Kids In The Hall doesn’t help his cause much either.

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Exploring more of the homoerotic agenda, Stingray kills an Asian kung fu master who is in process of getting it on in a parking lot with a red head. The guy is such a candy ass that, for him, heterosexual intercourse doesn’t involve rape. So Stingray kills him, and then does his thing with the lady. Stingray also kills a fat guy named “Bear” by breaking his neck and then killing his redheaded girlfriend. We also know she’s going to die because the director of this epic turd always lingers on redheaded women in flowered dresses in a hamfisted attempt at foreshadowing, but the message is simple, men that cannot protect their women die. Indeed this happens to Bear¯ after he gets his ass kicked by Cynthia Rothrock. If you cannot beat a woman in a street fight, you obviously are not much of a man and so a man of Stingray’s pedigree will kill you and take your woman and then kill her. In Stingray’s world, there is only room for hard men, pussy and pussies must be exterminated. Also the character named “Bear” is named “Bear.”

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