FRIDAY THE 13TH, PART VI: JASON LIVES

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Scorecard:

Hawes, Tommyís grave digging buddy, heart ripped from chest, eventually buried in Jasonís place.

Darren, head counselor, fence post to the gut, tossed over Jasonís shoulder.

Lizbeth, Darrenís driver, post driven through body while writhing in mud.

Burt, war games leader and resident sexist, arm ripped off before being thrown against tree.

Larry, Stan, and Corporate Chick, war games participants, all butchered together with one swipe of the machete.

Martin, drunk cemetery caretaker, shard of glass to the neck from discarded whiskey bottle.

Steven and Annette, couple in love, skewered together like human shiskabob while on motorcycle.

Nikki, resident slut, head smashed through side of motor home after mindless sex.

Cort, resident stud, knife to the head as he pilots said motor home.

Sissy, resident black chick, pulled from window before head twisted off.

Paula, dimwitted counselor, viciously slashed before being thrown through window.

Cop #1, resident bumbler, knife to the forehead near the lake.

Cop #2, resident bumbler-in-training, head crushed while in hot pursuit.

Sheriff Mike, resident asshole and father of resident hottie, torn apart while defending daughter.

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Make-out sessions/fuck-fests:

Two brief make-out sessions lead to a pair of deaths and a prison escape, but the lone fuck-fest, between Nikki and Cort, is one of the seriesí most sustained. Nikki rides Cort like a stallion, demanding that he last the entirety of a ten-minute rock song. Exhausted, heís saved by Jasonís rumblings, promptly blowing his wad well short of the goal. For Cort, the abbreviated orgasm is his last.

Biblical overtones:

Most obviously, Jason is literally resurrected by a bolt of lightning from an angry sky, indicating Godís need to punish more sexual transgressions. As this was 1986, time was running out on Reaganís quest to rid the world of promiscuity. Still, that paled in comparison to one of the seriesí most blatant nods to the power of Jesus. Faced with a blade-wielding Jason, a young child recites the Lordís Prayer and, pacified, he leaves her alone. And a child shall lead them? Indeed, as not a single kid was harmed in the entire movie. Teenagers with erections, by all means. But spare the innocent!

Memorable lines:

ďJason belongs in hell, and Iím gonna see he gets there.Ē — Tommy

ďDonít piss me off, junior, or I will re-paint this office with your brains.Ē — Sheriff Mike

Signs of the Times:

Cortís torn jeans and Walkman established him as a Reagan-era icon, but it was the music — no fewer than two Alice Cooper ditties from his then-current Constrictor — that dates the piece.

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What surprised you?

Jesus Christ, Tommyís even more of a hunk this time around! So much so that he grabs the immediate attention of babe Megan, who falls in love because her father says heís dangerous and likely a homicidal maniac. More than that, though, was the tongue-in-cheek tone. Itís arguably the most self-aware so far, especially when the caretaker looks straight into the camera and says, ďWhyíd they have to go and dig up JasonÖ.Some folks have a strange idea of entertainment.Ē In many of the scenes, Benny Hill music would not have been entirely inappropriate.

Examples of superhuman strength:

Jason tosses a man over his shoulder with little effort, tears off a manís arm, slams anotherís†face through the side of a motor home, twists off yet anotherís head, and keeps plugging away despite being hit in the head with rocks and shot at least two dozen times at point blank range.

Coolest moment:

As a way of announcing its silliness, the opening credits allude to James Bond, as a close-up of Jasonís eye reveals an even smaller Jason, walking much like 007, turning suddenly towards the camera and, rather than firing a gun, throwing a machete.

Bits & Pieces:

Hawes, the first murder victim, is the dude who played Horshack in Welcome Back, Kotter. In addition, Crystal Lakeís name has been changed to Forest Green. And, despite being the worst of the series so far, it does feature Alice Cooperís ďHeís Back (The Man Behind the Mask)Ē during the closing credits.

About Matt

Matt is the siteís Longest Serving Critic and chief misanthrope. He divides his time between classics of cinema and the most ridiculous movies he can find on Redbox.
Follow Matt: @mattcale52