Author: Kevin

“Ambulance” – La-La-Land. It shouldn’t take long into a viewing of Ambulance for you to realize you’re getting a movie that had approximately three minutes of thought put into its screenplay. For reasons that make absolutely no sense, the title highlights the “LA” part, as if it matters even a tiny bit what city this…

We are often faced with choices in life that we wish we could go back and choose again. While walking into the screening of Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, I was presented with a choice of schwag for the film – would I like a movie poster or a reusable, cloth grocery bag? As…

“The Lost City” – Pretty, but dumb. No, wait, that’s pretty dumb. Have you ever been to a comedy show or open mic night where the comedian absolutely bombed? That’s what The Lost City is, but with a little bit of silly action and a lot of hammy acting. I’m not saying it is completely…

“Deep Water” – That’s definitely not a candy bar floating in the pool. One of the first things they teach students in screenwriting class is to write a sympathetic protagonist so the audience has someone to root for. Apparently, the writers of Deep Water – Zach Helm and Sam Levinson – missed that week of…

“Turning Red” – Crimson Tide (or a visit from Aunt Flo). Turning Red is a movie I’m really torn about. You can be forgiven for not knowing what this movie is actually about if you have only seen the preview. Let me help. It’s about puberty. Specifically, a girl’s first period. What I’m torn about…

“The Batman” – I only work in black. Or really, really dark grey. Batman has had quite the adventure throughout his Hollywood career. Starting way back in 1966 with two dudes wearing their underwear on the outside of their pants, there have been ten live-action films. After that ridiculous (even at the time) depiction, 1989’s…

“Studio 666” – What are you doing, Dave? If I were a Foo Fighters fan, I might have been genuinely excited about seeing Studio 666. I couldn’t pick a Foo Fighters song out of lineup, but I’m sure I’ve heard some of their late ’90s/early 2000s stuff. I might even have liked a song or…

“Uncharted” – Inter-National Treasure. Given the number of video games released every year, it’s surprising to see how few of them are adapted into movies. Ever since Super Mario Bros. debuted as the first video game adaptation / cow pie in 1993, it makes sense that studios would be hesitant to make more movies from…

“Blacklight” – It is time to stop now, Liam. There’s a new Liam Neeson movie coming out, so it must be February. Put another way, it’s February, so what is the name of the latest Liam Neeson action flick? Put a third way, there’s a new movie about a grizzled old lone wolf with a…

It is just a river in Egypt. Probably. We often hear people complain about the lack of creativity or originality in Hollywood. Almost exclusively, that complaint is directed at big budget blockbusters and franchises. We know that complaint is completely insincere when we hear nary a peep from those same people about a movie like…