Week 5 NFL Picks – Every QB is Injured Edition

The Tom Brady Fuck You tour flies their Pimp Jet into Dallas this Sunday, for a showdown with Jerry Jones at his gaudy, glittery fuck palace.

Our NFL pickers are on fire!

Our team of experts can’t lose, as far as you know!

Week 1 Football Picks I Can’t Believe You Invited Him To Our Wedding Edition

“To honor and obey (checks phone)…”

Week 1 Football Picks – De FlaterMass Edition

As we’re all aware, Chip Kelly got drunk as a fuckin skunk this offseason and went Madden 16 all over the fucking place on this team. He traded Shady McCoy for Kiko Alonso, because he is a racist.

Week 16 NFL Picks: Saturday Night Thursday Night Football Is a Dumb Name Edition

WEEK 15 RECORD DAN K: 2-1 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:  2-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 16-22-2 ESPO:  20-18-2 DICK:  20-18-2 ESPO ATLANTA FALCONS +6.5 AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS The NFC South is a smoking crater. Seriously, what a joke. Who can make anything of any of these teams? All the way back in Week 1, when […]

Week 15 NFL Picks – Cammy Cam Car Crash Edition

WEEK 14 RECORD DAN K: 1-1-1 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:  1-1-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 14-21-2 ESPO:  18-17-2 DICK:  18-17-2 ESPO MIAMI DOLPHINS +7.5 AT NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS On September 7th, I invited my Dolphins fan buddy over for our first matchup in the first week of the brand new NFL season. Fresh, and full of […]

Week 14 NFL Picks – Dead Man Coaching Edition

WEEK 12 RECORD DAN K: 0-3 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:  1-2 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 13-20-1 ESPO:  16-16-2 DICK:  17-16-1 DAN K HOUSTON TEXANS -5 AT JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS   JJ Fuckin’ Watt. Like, I know Aaron Rodgers is having a monster season, but you could make a serious case for Watt as the league MVP. The […]

Week 12 NFL Picks – Division Champ With 5 Wins Edition

WEEK 11 RECORD DAN K: 1-2 ESPO: 2-1 DICK: 3-0 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 13-17-1 ESPO:  14-15-2 DICK:  16-14-1 ESPO CLEVELAND BROWNS +3 AT ATLANTA FALCONS Interesting little inter-conference matchup here. The Browns are trying to keep pace in their ridiculously competitive division, where they and the Ravens are 6-4, the Steelers are 7-4, and […]

Week 11 Football Picks – Abolish Elections, Hail Gamblor Edition

WEEK 10 RECORD DAN K: 2-1 ESPO: 2-1 DICK: 1-2 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 12-15-1 ESPO:  12-14-2 DICK:  13-14-1 DAN K CINCINNATI BENGALS +7 AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS That Saints game last was week what we in the gambling business call “utter fuckshit.” Nothing like a crazy backdoor cover on a Hail Mary ruined by […]

Week 10 NFL Picks – Back to Work Edition

WEEK 8 RECORD:DAN K: 0-3 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:    2-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 10-14-1 ESPO:  10-13-2 DICK:    12-12-1 ESPOSAN FRANCISCO 49ers +5 AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS   One of my favorite parts of my Mexican vacation was getting unceremoniously eliminated from my survivor league by my least favorite team, the San Francisco 49ers. See, I […]