Week 12 NFL Picks – Division Champ With 5 Wins Edition

WEEK 11 RECORD DAN K: 1-2 ESPO: 2-1 DICK: 3-0 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 13-17-1 ESPO: 14-15-2 DICK: 16-14-1 ESPO CLEVELAND BROWNS +3 AT ATLANTA FALCONS Interesting little inter-conference matchup here. The Browns are trying to keep pace in their ridiculously competitive division, where they and the Ravens are 6-4, the Steelers are 7-4, and […]

Week 11 Football Picks – Abolish Elections, Hail Gamblor Edition

WEEK 10 RECORD DAN K: 2-1 ESPO: 2-1 DICK: 1-2 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 12-15-1 ESPO: 12-14-2 DICK: 13-14-1 DAN K CINCINNATI BENGALS +7 AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS That Saints game last was week what we in the gambling business call “utter fuckshit.” Nothing like a crazy backdoor cover on a Hail Mary ruined by […]

Week 10 NFL Picks – Back to Work Edition

WEEK 8 RECORD:DAN K: 0-3 ESPO: 2-1 DICK: 2-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 10-14-1 ESPO: 10-13-2 DICK: 12-12-1 ESPOSAN FRANCISCO 49ers +5 AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS   One of my favorite parts of my Mexican vacation was getting unceremoniously eliminated from my survivor league by my least favorite team, the San Francisco 49ers. See, I […]

Week 8 NFL Picks – Minimal Ebola Jokes Edition

WEEK 7 RECORD:DAN K: 1-2 ESPO: 3-0 DICK: 1-2 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 10-12-1 ESPO: 8-12-2 DICK: 10-12-1 ESPO   ST LOUIS RAMS +7 AT KANSAS CITY CHIEFS Last week, the Rams SHOCKED THE WORLD! by upsetting the favored Seattle Seahawks at home, continuing the stunning run of competence in the Missouri sports world, second […]

Week 7 Football Picks – These Bettors Are Making Me Queasy Edition

WEEK 6 RECORD: DAN K: 2-0-1 ESPO: 1-1-1 DICK: 2-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 9-9-1 ESPO: 5-12-2 DICK: 9-9-1 ESPO MIAMI DOLPHINS +3 AT CHICAGO BEARS I feel like I’ve been writing about the Dolphins a little too much for my taste this year, but something about them keeps bringing me back to the well. […]

Week 6 NFL Picks – May Have Done a Little Gambling Edition

People say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing but expecting different results. They can go fuck themselves. If I keep opening the refrigerator door, EVENTUALLY I am going to find some new food in there! It’s just science. I would submit that the definition of insanity is picking the Jacksonville Jaguars to cover the spread EVERY WEEK in my pick ’em league, like I did.

Week 5 NFL Picks – What the hell is “baseball” Edition

Like many NFL fans, I was not shocked that Steve Smith Sr. aggressively torched his old team last week to the tune of 2 TDs, ripped the GM that let him go in the media, and punted a football into the gut of an 8 year Panthers fan after scoring one of the aforementioned TDs.

Week 4 NFL Picks – All The Lines Suck This Week Edition

OK, this is the first pick in four weeks Im going to attempt to back up with actual data rather than with blustering jagoffery and as such it will probably lose as the latter seems to have been really working out for me thus far, but here goes.

Week 3 – Goodell Wearing a Fake Mustache Edition

A brutal 0-3 week has gotten yours truly off to a truly inauspicious start to the season, not befitting my status as reigning champion. Let’s see if we can’t right the ship with a 3-0 week, shall we?!

Week 2 NFL Picks – Watching Football is Probably Bad Edition

3-0, wow. You know, I promised myself Id actually learn something between Week 1 and now so Id sound like less of a fucking idiot while writing these picks, but clearly I dont need facts to pick NFL games correctly. I go with my gut, like George W Bush. I am like that fucking octopus that predicts the World Cup winner every year.