Week 1 NFL Picks – Life Has Meaning Again Edition

Oh God, I have no idea what Iím doing. The boys were kind enough to invite me to do these picks because they know Iíve been betting baseball every day for the last few months and am about to have that cruelly pulled out from under me, and what am I supposed to do during the offseason, not bet on stuff?

2014 NFL Season Win Totals – Better Late Than Never Edition

Like Rob Ryan on a hot N’awlins day, this line is a little bit stinky. Just 9.5, with a lot of juice? Ehhh. Ehhhhh. I feel like such a square for being on the over here. But I’m having a ton of trouble convincing myself this is not the right side.

NFL Betting Picks – Super BAWSE Edition

Well, this is it. A fun season of gambling comes to an end. Sure, you can wager on lesser sports like hockey, basketball, or the Southern Croatia Amateur Handball League, but there’s nothing like settling in on a football Sunday with a (metaphorical) ticket in your (metaphorical) hand.

NFL Championship Picks – Severe Omahalism Edition

Here we go again, amirite? That Manning guy and his Omaha Steaks commercial deal is coming soon, ain’t it? That big grinning mug barking out OMAHA, OMAHA TO YOUR HOME, taking a snap from some guy in a butcher costume, and tossing a T-Bone on a deep slant

NFL DIVISIONAL PICKS – ROAD DOGE EDITION

So that was a fun Wild Card weekend, eh? Three of the Wild Card teams beat their division-winning opponents, with an asterisk for the Niners who were the better team by record.

NFL PLAYOFF PICKS – WILD CARD, BITCHES! EDITION

We kick off our slate of Wild Card games with maybe the unsexiest matchup of ’em all, the Colts hosting the Chiefs. The Chiefs have predictably cooled off after their hot start, with their 11-5 win record being the worst of any team to start 9-0.

Week 17 NFL Picks – This Is The End, My Only Friend, The End Edition

If the Ravens lose this weekend we could see one of last year’s Super Bowl teams miss the playoffs. While I will be riding the Cardinals this week, I will also be on the Bengals.

Week 16 Picks – War on Christmas Edition

Everyone foretold the Chargers holding Denver to their lowest point total of the season, right? In Denver? What the hell? Last Thursday was the ONLY time the Broncos scored less than 27 points all year. Come on! You can’t make this shit up.

Week 15 NFL Picks: Dick Chews Off His Fingers In Survivor Edition

God fucking damnit. I know what’s going to happen now. I’m going to be forced to pick against my own team again. AGAIN! How many times have I picked against the Pats now? I think only twice, but it feels like a hundred.

Week 14 NFL Picks: All Wagers Dedicated To Mandela Edition

Battle of the Native-American-inspired-teams-but-only-one-of-them-is-racist! Well, since the last time I wrote about them, the Chiefs have been exposed as the FUCKING FRAUDS they are. And I don’t like saying atodaso, but atodaso! I god damn atodaso!