Grovel Before God, You Maggots.

Grovel Before God, You Maggots! In the beginning back in 1988 a six-foot-four deity who shunned goofing around arrived in moviedom. It wasn’t long before he began to generate wall to wall adoration by being outstanding at whatever job he did, never showing fear despite the ever-present threat of death, and snapping the limbs of […]

Disaster, 70’s Style: Part 6

Movie: When Time Ran Out “This thing’s a goddamn powder keg!” Preamble: In 2019 a load of day-trippers were killed by a volcanic explosion on a New Zealand island. Oops. But, come on, what do you make of tourists who choose to wander around the rim of an active volcano? I guess I’m doing a […]

Disaster, 70’s Style: Part 5

Movie: The Swarm “Oh, my God! Bees! Bees! Millions of bees!” The Swarm (1978) Preamble: The so-called Master of Disaster Irwin Allen produced two of the sub-genre’s biggest hits in Poseidon and Towering Inferno. Suitably pumped up, it was obviously time to handle the directorial reins himself. In doing so he managed to deliver one […]

Disaster, 70’s Style: Part 4

Movie: Avalanche (1978) “I always thought survival meant being king of the mountain.” Avalanche (1978) Preamble: Given the title, can you work out what’s gonna happen? Control freak and shady businessman Rock Hudson, who looks gayer with each passing scene, is busy doing his best to resemble Kim Jong-il’s puppet in Team America: World Police. […]

Disaster, 70’s Style: Part 3

Movie: Airport (1975) “You mean, the stewardess is flying the plane?!” Airport 1975 Preamble: Heart attacks regularly pop up in disaster flicks. They’re convenient, can happen at any stress-related time, and are cheap to film. Here a bloke flying a light aircraft is having ticker trouble. Seconds later his twin-engine motorized gnat crashed into a […]

Disaster, 70’s Style: Part 2

Movie: Earthquake “This used to be helluva town.” Earthquake (1974) Preamble: California sits on the San Andreas Fault, an unfortunate geological fact that saw a few thousand people wiped out in a 1906 quake. Given the growing popularity of disaster flicks, it made perfect sense to depict a monster quake striking the state’s biggest city. […]

Disaster, 70’s Style: Part One

Movie: The Poseidon Adventure Airport touched down in 1970, turning a $10million budget into a massive hit. It kicked off a decade-long cycle of star-studded disaster flicks that produced something of merit in The Towering Inferno before flaming out in a series of increasingly outlandish sniggerfests, such as pissed-off killer bees and exploding roller coasters. […]

The Not Quite #3: Mad Max (1979)

Film Title

Mad Max


In Australia’s near future, society has broken down and violent outlaw biker gangs rule the open road


George Miller


Mel Gibson
Joanne Samuel
Hugh Keays-Byrne
Steve Bisley
Roger Ward

The modern movie obsession with car chases probably began with 1968’s fairly good Bullitt, a trend cemented by the Oscar-winning French Connection three years later. Suddenly road warriors with exasperated cops in hot pursuit were all over the silver screen, as exemplified by a big hit like Dirty Mary Crazy Larry, a mediocre crime pic […]

The Gleeful Slaughter of Children

Being an ex-teacher, I naturally hate kids. For almost four years I had to endure their relentless energy, selfishness, demands, spite and mediocrity, leaving me with the impression that the average child shares a lot in common with a small, intoxicated, unruly visitor from outer space. Think of a half-cut E.T. kicking your shins and […]

The Not Quite #4: Paper Mask (1990)

Film Title

Paper Mask


Matthew Harris (McGann) is a frustrated, doctor-envying porter at a London hospital who contracts the infection known as ambition.


Christopher Morahan


Paul McGann
Amanda Donohoe
Frederick Treves
Tom Wilkinson
Jimmy Yuill

When I think back over my ‘career’ as a teacher and journo, hardly anybody asked to see my qualifications or took the trouble to check my references. I certainly landed my first job as a trainee reporter without the slightest sniff around. I also expected to be given a form of ID to help reassure […]