1 Hr 37 minutes, R for hands getting chewed off. Fair Value of Werewolves Within: -$4.00. “I feel like I’m trapped in a bad dinner theater murder mystery, and they’re not letting me leave.”- this quote, uttered by one of the characters, completely embodies the experience of this film. From the Uwe Boll School of […]
Film TitleWerewolves Within
Werewolf creature terrorizes a town during a blinding snowstorm
A young girl has the ability to communicate with bugs
1 Hr 56 minutes, rated R for Giallo levels of gore WARNING: This film isn’t quite as hard core as a Fulci film, but it does definitely go there, both in terms of gore, ugly mutilation, and decomposition. If you can’t stand maggots you may very well want to skip that particular Argento film. Fair […]
Film TitleThe Godfather: Part III
Michael Corleone seeks to find a successor to his throne
2hrs 42 minutes (but it feels like eternity), R for wholly implausible violence Fair Value of The Godfather Part Three: -$15.00. Ordinarily, in my work day, my profession earns me about $30/ hour. This film wasted three hours of my life. I want my Saturday back. I want my life back. I want to be […]
Film TitleThe Godfather: Part 2
Arguably better than the first, making it the greatest movie ever made.Â
DirectorFrancis Ford Coppola
Michael V. Gazzo
3 hours 22 minutes, R for numerous murders Fair Value of The Godfather Part II : $18.00. It’s overlong and the pacing can drag, but it’s an immaculately acted film with several stunning set pieces. Focus on the Family: The first Godfather was a study in the parallels between Vito Corleone (Marlon Brando) and his […]
Film TitleThe Godfather
An offer you simply cannot refuse
DirectorFrancis Ford Coppola
Richard S. Castellano
2 Hours 57 minutes, rated R for Gangland Violence Fair Value of The Godfather: $30.00. It is essential American Cinema. Fundamental to an entire genre of movie. But How Good Is it? The first time I saw the Godfather was on a date when I was sixteen years old with my first girlfriend, whom I […]
Film TitleCastle Cagliostro (1979)
A dashing thief, his gang of desperadoes and an intrepid policeman struggle to free a princess from an evil count’s clutches
1 hr 42 minutes, PG-13 for violence and crime. Fair Value of Castle Cagliostro: $14.00. This Miyazaki adaptation of a French novel is fun and picturesque, almost like a cinematic cousin of a Tintin adventure. How Kid Friendly is this Film? It would probably get a PG in modern standards. There’s guns but not blood, a […]
Film TitlePale Rider
Anonymous man ruins capitalism in small California town.
Clint Eastwood as the Right Reverend Scowl and Squint
Richard Dysart as Moustache Twirler
Chris Penn as Moustache Twirler Jr.
Michael Moriarty as the Common Clay of the New West... you know, a moron.
Fair value of Pale Rider: $2.00. This is a middling Clint Eastwood western, surprisingly old-fashioned, which is really only for the Eastwood completists. And Death Was His Name: After a posse of hired thugs devastate a ramshackle prospecting camp, a young girl prays for justice. Soon enough, Preacher (Clint Eastwood) appears, silently and inexorably fighting […]
Film TitleTrue Grit (2010)
A gnarly and stubborn girl employs True Grit to help track down her father’s murderer
DirectorEthan & Joel Coen
Jeff Daniels as The One-Eyed Dude
Hailee Steinfield as a national treasure.
Matt Damon as smarmy, and ostensibly Texas
Josh Brolin as the bad guy.
1 Hour 50 Minutes, PG-13 for maiming and violence. Fair Value of True Grit: $15.00. Because you can’t watch Sergio Leone all the time, this tale of Prairie Justice is one of the better of modern westerns. In many ways it is the perfect balance of the comedic and the dark aspects of Coen Brother’s […]
What Makes Raising Arizona Work? FAIR VALUE of Raising Arizona: $8.00. Like contemporaries A Fish Called Wanda or Brain Donors, Raising Arizona is a relentless slapstick comedy that has high re-watchability. THE COEN BROTHERS BEGIN HONING THEIR CHOPS: In many ways, Raising Arizona is the wooliest, most slapdash of all of the Coen comedies. They […]
Film TitleArmy Of Darkness
Ash is back in time to go medieval on an army of deadites.
One hour 21 minutes, R for copious fountains of blood Fair Value of Army of Darkness: $20.00. If you asked me to name a film that was the perfect embodiment of the charm of midnight movies, it would be Army of Darkness. Perfectly fun, endlessly quotable, and never dull. More cheesy goodness than a Wisconsin […]