Riddick Movie Review

Never get into a fight with a character who has read more of the script than you have.

The Grandmaster Film Review

If you are making a biopic about the man famous for training Bruce Lee in the art of wing chun, could you possibly consider HAVING AT LEAST ONE FRICKING SCENE DEDICATED TO TRAINING THE GREATEST MARTIAL ARTIST OF THE 20TH CENTURY?

The World’s End Film Review

Film Title

The World's End

Synopsis

Only lager louts can save the world from the invasion of Tories from Another World.

Director

Edgar Wright

Cast

Simon Pegg
Nick Frost
Martin Freeman
Paddy Considine
Pierce Brosnan
Eddie Marsan
Rosamund Pike

A fully networked, modular, information based panopticon that knows what’s best for you, and doesn’t really care for dissent or drunken hooligans. Am I talking about the current British government or the ink blooded robots that are the obstacles of Pegg and Frost’s comedy duo?

Pacific Rim Movie Review

Do you like robots fighting giant dinosaurs? That is the only question you need to ask in regards to Guillermo Del Toro’s Pacific RIm.

Cat People (1942 Val Lewton) Review

Cat People was one of the biggest hits of 1942. It competed favorably with Casablanca in the box office. The reason in part is because Cat People is the anti-vamp film. A more realistic title for the film might be Fear of a War Bride.

Film Review: Kickass 2

More violence, less fun. This film comes off like a script written by a third grader that believes that saying the word motherfucker 100 times will magically transform you into Quentin Tarantino.

Planes Review

Film Title

Planes

Synopsis

All you need to win is to want it badly enough. Being willing to be reconstructed as an unholy Frankenstein by dubious Mexican chopshops also helps.

Director

Klay Hall

Cast

Dane Cook
John Cleese
Stacy Keach
Teri Hatcher
Brad Garrett
Priyanka Chopra
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Cedric the Entertainer
Val Kilmer
Carlos Alazraqui

    Rated G, 92 wasted minutes of your life Fair Value Rating of Planes: -$4.50. If I have to sit through a full length recruitment ad for the US Navy, the least they can provide is either a dogfight or a homoerotic volleyball scene. This film had neither. I understand the purpose of Disney’s […]

The Conjuring

A greatest hits medley of ghost movie tropes, this may be the finest episode of R. L. Stine’s Goosebumps ever made.

Film Review: The Wolverine (2013)

Film Review: The Wolverine (2013)   126 Minutes, PG-13 for atomic devastation, seppukku, miscellaneous Japanese persons getting disemboweled. Fair Value Rating of The Wolverine: $11.50. Wolverine’s the best at what he does- and what he does is stabbing a lot of people.   Director James Mangold’s first superhero flick manages an entertaining midsummer adventure with […]

Red 2 Movie Review – Welcome to the Age of Geriatric Action

Film Title

Red 2

Synopsis

Retired CIA agents are accused of being nuclear terrorists. To avoid being killed, they must seek out a rogue nuke that was hidden in Moscow during the cold war.

Director

Dean Parisot

Cast

Bruce Willis
Mary-Louise Parker
John Malkovich
Helen Mirren
Sir Anthony Hopkins
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Byung-hun Lee
Brian Cox
Neal McDonough

If The Expendables was the final roar of a withered Tyrannosaurus Rex, Red 2 is more like a soft heave of breath as the dinosaur lays dying. Welcome to the decade of 100 male versions of Norma Desmond, all shot in bullet time. Welcome to the decade of geri-action.