Planes Review

Film Title

Planes

Synopsis

All you need to win is to want it badly enough. Being willing to be reconstructed as an unholy Frankenstein by dubious Mexican chopshops also helps.

Director

Klay Hall

Cast

Dane Cook
John Cleese
Stacy Keach
Teri Hatcher
Brad Garrett
Priyanka Chopra
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Cedric the Entertainer
Val Kilmer
Carlos Alazraqui

    Rated G, 92 wasted minutes of your life Fair Value Rating of Planes: -$4.50. If I have to sit through a full length recruitment ad for the US Navy, the least they can provide is either a dogfight or a homoerotic volleyball scene. This film had neither. I understand the purpose of Disney’s […]

The Conjuring

A greatest hits medley of ghost movie tropes, this may be the finest episode of R. L. Stine’s Goosebumps ever made.

Film Review: The Wolverine (2013)

Film Review: The Wolverine (2013)   126 Minutes, PG-13 for atomic devastation, seppukku, miscellaneous Japanese persons getting disemboweled. Fair Value Rating of The Wolverine: $11.50. Wolverine’s the best at what he does- and what he does is stabbing a lot of people.   Director James Mangold’s first superhero flick manages an entertaining midsummer adventure with […]

Red 2 Movie Review – Welcome to the Age of Geriatric Action

Film Title

Red 2

Synopsis

Retired CIA agents are accused of being nuclear terrorists. To avoid being killed, they must seek out a rogue nuke that was hidden in Moscow during the cold war.

Director

Dean Parisot

Cast

Bruce Willis
Mary-Louise Parker
John Malkovich
Helen Mirren
Sir Anthony Hopkins
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Byung-hun Lee
Brian Cox
Neal McDonough

If The Expendables was the final roar of a withered Tyrannosaurus Rex, Red 2 is more like a soft heave of breath as the dinosaur lays dying. Welcome to the decade of 100 male versions of Norma Desmond, all shot in bullet time. Welcome to the decade of geri-action.

Cat People (1982 Schrader version)- Film Review

Synopsis

Orphaned Irena Gallier (Nastassia Kinski) is overjoyed to be re-united with her brother Paul (Malcolm McDowell) in New Orleans. She soon finds a job working at the zoo, and a love interest in the kind zoo-keeper Oliver Yates (John Heard). Unfortunately, her family history throws more than the usual complications into doing the horizontal tango…

Director

Paul Schrader

Cast

Nastassia Kinski
Malcolm McDowell
John Heard
Annette O'Toole
Ruby Dee
Ed Begley

Cat People (1982Schrader version) rated R for maiming, mauling, and oh so much nudity

Despicable Me 2: Film Review

Synopsis

Jumping a shark tied to high-explosive rockets into an active volcano….

Director

Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud

Cast

Steve Carell, Gru
Miranda Cosgrove, Margo
Kristen Wiig, Lucy Wilde
Homer Simpson, Poochie

The Twinkie minions are given center stage, and their combination of gibberish speech and bumbling infighting makes the film fun.

Film Review- The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

Synopsis

Synopsis: There’s a shape-changing conman, who alternates between the forms of the Joker, Captain Jack Sparrow, Gigolo Joe, and Alexander the Great. The shapeshifting con-man is rescued by the theatrical troupe of Dumbledore, Spider-Man, and Mini-Me. In gratitude, the con-man attempts to help them win a bet made with Tom Waits, who is the Devil, in order to save the soul of hot redheaded Lily Cole.

Director

Terry Gilliam

Cast

Heath Ledger as Tony Shepherd
Johnny Depp as Tony Shepherd
Jude Law as Tony Shepherd
Colin Ferrell as Tony Shepherd
Christopher Plummer as Dr. Parnassus
Tom Waits as Old Nick
Lily Cole as Valentina
Andrew Garfield as Anton
Verne Troyer as Percy

Film Review- The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus 123 Minutes, PG-13 for adult themes The pleasures and perils of imagination… Is it Truly as Awesome as Your Synopsis Suggests? Not quite. But it’s still a wonderful and weird delirium of a movie. I’m glad that this is not Terry Gilliam’s last film, though it could have […]

The Lone Ranger Review

The Lone Ranger (2013)  Review: 149 minutes PG13 for scalping, cannibalism, skull crushing, decapitation, and genocide. The MPAA is a joke. A bloody, laughable farce. This film is  proof that a PG-13 rating is completely meaningless. The villain cuts the heart out of a law enforcement officer, and eats it! Hundreds of Comanche get mowed […]

White House Down: Movie Review

Synopsis

Rookie Secret Service cadet Channing Tatum must team up with by-the-book President ‘Sawyer’ (Jamie Foxx) to fight a cabal of conservative terrorists (Blackwater Mercenary! Libertarian Hacker! Tea Party Racist!) in order to rescue Tatum’s nine year old daughter while blowing up as many iconic locations as possible.

Director

Roland Emmerich

Cast

Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, Joey Kings, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jason Clarke, Jimmi Simpson, Kevin Rankin, James Woods, Richard Jenkins, Matt Craven

Film Review: White House Down: If Obama killed terrorists with his own hands…   Tagline: It Will Start Like Any Other Day. Entire Story in One Sentence: President and Secret Service rookie fight terrorism by sequentially demolishing the White House room-by-room. Homoeroticism: Minimal. Both protagonists are given dialogue with their spouses/beards. Very little buddy cop […]

Monsters University

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