Rated G, 92 wasted minutes of your life Fair Value Rating of Planes: -$4.50. If I have to sit through a full length recruitment ad for the US Navy, the least they can provide is either a dogfight or a homoerotic volleyball scene. This film had neither. I understand the purpose of Disney’s […]
All you need to win is to want it badly enough. Being willing to be reconstructed as an unholy Frankenstein by dubious Mexican chopshops also helps.
Cedric the Entertainer
Film Review: The Wolverine (2013) 126 Minutes, PG-13 for atomic devastation, seppukku, miscellaneous Japanese persons getting disemboweled. Fair Value Rating of The Wolverine: $11.50. Wolverine’s the best at what he does- and what he does is stabbing a lot of people. Director James Mangold’s first superhero flick manages an entertaining midsummer adventure with […]
Film TitleRed 2
Retired CIA agents are accused of being nuclear terrorists. To avoid being killed, they must seek out a rogue nuke that was hidden in Moscow during the cold war.
Sir Anthony Hopkins
Orphaned Irena Gallier (Nastassia Kinski) is overjoyed to be re-united with her brother Paul (Malcolm McDowell) in New Orleans. She soon finds a job working at the zoo, and a love interest in the kind zoo-keeper Oliver Yates (John Heard). Unfortunately, her family history throws more than the usual complications into doing the horizontal tango…
Jumping a shark tied to high-explosive rockets into an active volcano….
DirectorPierre Coffin, Chris Renaud
Steve Carell, Gru
Miranda Cosgrove, Margo
Kristen Wiig, Lucy Wilde
Homer Simpson, Poochie
Synopsis: There’s a shape-changing conman, who alternates between the forms of the Joker, Captain Jack Sparrow, Gigolo Joe, and Alexander the Great. The shapeshifting con-man is rescued by the theatrical troupe of Dumbledore, Spider-Man, and Mini-Me. In gratitude, the con-man attempts to help them win a bet made with Tom Waits, who is the Devil, in order to save the soul of hot redheaded Lily Cole.
Heath Ledger as Tony Shepherd
Johnny Depp as Tony Shepherd
Jude Law as Tony Shepherd
Colin Ferrell as Tony Shepherd
Christopher Plummer as Dr. Parnassus
Tom Waits as Old Nick
Lily Cole as Valentina
Andrew Garfield as Anton
Verne Troyer as Percy
Film Review- The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus 123 Minutes, PG-13 for adult themes The pleasures and perils of imagination… Is it Truly as Awesome as Your Synopsis Suggests? Not quite. But it’s still a wonderful and weird delirium of a movie. I’m glad that this is not Terry Gilliam’s last film, though it could have […]
The Lone Ranger (2013) Review: 149 minutes PG13 for scalping, cannibalism, skull crushing, decapitation, and genocide. The MPAA is a joke. A bloody, laughable farce. This film is proof that a PG-13 rating is completely meaningless. The villain cuts the heart out of a law enforcement officer, and eats it! Hundreds of Comanche get mowed […]
Rookie Secret Service cadet Channing Tatum must team up with by-the-book President ‘Sawyer’ (Jamie Foxx) to fight a cabal of conservative terrorists (Blackwater Mercenary! Libertarian Hacker! Tea Party Racist!) in order to rescue Tatum’s nine year old daughter while blowing up as many iconic locations as possible.
Channing Tatum, Jamie Foxx, Joey Kings, Maggie Gyllenhaal, Jason Clarke, Jimmi Simpson, Kevin Rankin, James Woods, Richard Jenkins, Matt Craven
Film Review: White House Down: If Obama killed terrorists with his own hands… Tagline: It Will Start Like Any Other Day. Entire Story in One Sentence: President and Secret Service rookie fight terrorism by sequentially demolishing the White House room-by-room. Homoeroticism: Minimal. Both protagonists are given dialogue with their spouses/beards. Very little buddy cop […]