Mission Impossible Six: Fallout 2 hours 27 minutes, PG-13 for boiling coolant to the face. Fair Value of This Film: $3.00. Some good stunt work, but nothing really sets this film apart from the franchise. As generic as a Honda Accord. I saw this film twenty minutes ago and I’m already starting to forget it. […]
Mission Impossible Six: Fallout
July 29, 2018 by
Film Title
Mission Impossible Six: FalloutSynopsis
Bad guys have stolen a nuke, blah blah blah. Want to destroy civilization, blah blah. Your mission, blee blo. Rag-tag team of misfits, scoodily poopy rum tum tum.
Cast
Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt, Super-Generic
Henry Cavill as American Dad
Rebecca Ferguson as Black Widow
Ving Rhames as Wise and Experience Black Man
Simon Pegg as comic relief
Angela Bassett as sinister CIA red herring
Sean Harris as The Unabomber.
Vanessa Kirby as Misplaced Bond Girl.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
June 24, 2018 by
Film Title
Jurassic World: Fallen KingdomSynopsis
This time we light the bird’s ancestors on fire
Director
J.A. BayonaCast
Chris Pratt
Bryce Dallas Howard
Rafe Spall
James Cromwell
Ted Levine
Justice Smith
Daniella Pineda
Toby Jones
Jeff Goldblum
BD Wong
Isabella Sermon
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is 2 hrs 8 minutes, PG-13 for maiming and people get used as chew toys Basic Concept: Jurassic Park, except this time we light the dinosaurs on fire. What? There’s a volcano erupting on the Jurassic Park island, and so, you have a lot of stampeding dinosaurs that may also be […]
Incredibles 2
June 21, 2018 by
Film Title
Incredibles 2Synopsis
Mr. Incredible babysits while Elastigirl saves the world
Director
Brad BirdCast
Samuel L. Jackson
Holly Hunter
Craig T. Nelson
Sarah Vowell
Bob Odenkirk
Catherine Keener
1 Hour 34 Minutes, G Special Warning: Incredibles 2 has scenes with bright high-intensity flashing patterns that may induce epileptic episodes. Also, this film is chock full of subliminal messages (courtesy of the villain)- if you believe in the effect of subliminals, this is a film to avoid. Fair Value Rating of The Incredibles 2: […]
Hotel Artemis
June 13, 2018 by
Film Title
Hotel ArtemisSynopsis
A nurse runs a secret, members-only E. R. for criminals.
Director
Drew PearceCast
Jodie Foster
Sterling K. Brown
Sofia Boutella
Jeff Goldblum
Dave Bautista
Zachary Quinto
Hotel Artemis is likely to be one of the obscure gems of the summer of 2018. Its a wonderful peanut-butter and chocolate combination of genres: cyberpunk and the Grand Hotel genre. Hotel Artemis is a well acted ensemble piece, nimbly juggling multiple sub-plots and capers, making the most of an enclosed and limited set. Give […]
Deadpool 2
May 24, 2018 by
Film Title
Deadpool 2Synopsis
Yes, Josh Brolin is the Bad Guy in this movie.
Director
David LeitchCast
Ryan Reynolds
Josh Brolin
Morena Baccarin
Julian Dennison
Zazie Beetz
T. J. Miller
Is this film worth my time?Deadpool 2 is middle level lowbrow action comedy for middle-schoolers and muddled stoners alike.If you’re cool spending your time with 3rd– rate live action South Park, who am I to judge? Check your brain at the door. 1 Hour 59 Minutes, R for graphic dismemberment, sodomy, tiny genitalia Fair Value […]
The 15:17 to Paris
February 21, 2018 by
Film Title
The 15:17 to ParisSynopsis
Bros discover a terrorist plot on the way to Paris
Director
Clint EastwoodCast
Ray Corasani
Alek Skarlotas
Anthony Sadler
Spencer Stone
Judy Greer
The 15:17 to Paris 1 Hour 34 Minutes, PG-13 for gun and knife violence. Fair Value Rating of The 15:17 to Paris: $2.00. Its a solid punt as a Redbox rental, an excellent compromise choice if you’re watching a film with family or people you don’t know well. Impeccable but unessential, pleasing but forgettable. Is […]
Downsizing
December 30, 2017 by
Film Title
DownsizingSynopsis
Honey, I shrank the movie.
Director
Alexander PayneCast
Matt Damon
Christoph Waltz
Hong Chau
Kristen Wiig
Rolf Lassgard
Udo Kier
Ingjerd Egeberg
Downsizing 2 hrs 15 minutes, R for Naked Dudes on Slabs Fair Value of Downsizing? $5.00. Worth a rental, a Redbox. As fun and clever a modernization of Jonathan Swift as can be hoped for. Who is this film perfect for? Alexander Payne’s (Sideways, Election) latest comedy is abundant on whimsy but short on jokes. […]
Coco (2017)
November 28, 2017 by
Film Title
Coco (2017)Synopsis
A California Gringo looks at The Night of the Living Dead
Director
Lee Unkrich, Adrian MolinaCast
Anthony Gonzalez
Gael Garcia Bernal
Benjamin Bratt
Alanna Ubach
Renee Victor
Jaime Camil
Gabriel Iglesias
Fair Value of Coco (2017): $7.00. Purely upon its own merits, and viewed in a void, I’d say this is a $20.00 film. But I’m cutting my score by half for the context of appropriation without accreditation, and another deduction for the subtext of the film. This is a film that I liked the more […]
Loving Vincent
November 27, 2017 by
Film Title
Loving VincentSynopsis
A beautiful story on oil painted animation
Director
Dorota Kobiela, Hugh WelchmanCast
Douglass Booth
Josh Burdett
Holly Earl
Robin Hodges
John Sessions
Aidan Turner
Loving Vincent 1 hr 34 minutes, PG-13 for mutilation and suicide. Fair Value of Loving Vincent: $5.00. Its a good art house film, and works as an adequate primer for somebody who knows nothing of post-impressionism. A good movie for your suburban relatives and in-laws. Patron Saint of the Starving Artists: There are a number […]
Ruthless Recommendations- 29 Horror Movies for Children available for streaming on Netflix, Amazon Prime, or YouTube
October 30, 2017 by
I may have a skewed sense of what is child-appropriate, but these movies do not contain any great amount of violence or sexual content, and as such, might qualify for being spooky, but not traumatizing. Children do want to be scared sometimes, and in the right conditions and pre-requisites, there can even be a […]
