Greetings, citizens of Gotham! It is I, Buddy Standler, the Condiment King! You mayo may not have heard my fearsome moniker before…. Oh, come now, you mustard of me at least once or twice. Well, please endeavor to ketchup and follow along, for mine is a tale to relish! I may not be one of […]
Confessions Of A Condiment King -or- Why Goat Revoked Ezra’s Key To The Break Room At Ruthless Towers
February 15, 2022 by
Ezra’s Top 10 Favorite Movies of 2021
February 7, 2022 by
THE TRAGEDY OF MACBETH – To be honest, the trailer alone became my favorite movie of the year as soon as I saw it, and the actual feature certainly doesn’t disappoint. In fact, my appreciation for it only grew on the second viewing. Joel Coen’s first “solo” movie (without his brother Ethan) is a stunning […]
The Dead Pool (1988)
December 12, 2021 by
Film Title
The Dead PoolSynopsis
Dirty Harry just learned a new game
Director
Buddy Van HornCast
Clint Eastwood
Liam Neeson
Patricia Clarksib
Evan C. Kim
Jim Carrey
David Hunt
Michael Currie
Tagline: Dirty Harry Just Learned A New Game Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Movies don’t kill people, Dirty Harry does. Homoeroticism: Early on, we see a young Jim Carrey (as rock star Johnny Squares) prancing around in a leather outfit to the tune of “Welcome to the Jungle,” but that’s […]
Sudden Impact (1983)
December 6, 2021 by
Film Title
Sudden ImpactSynopsis
Two killers are at large. One of them is Dirty Harry.
Director
Clint EastwoodCast
Clint Eastwood
Sondra Locke
Pat Hingle
Bradford Dillman
Paul Drake
Jack Thibeau
Albert Popwell
Tagline: Two killers are at large. One of them is Dirty Harry. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Revenge is best served with a comically farting dog. Homoeroticism: All in all, this is probably the most disappointingly hetero movie in the whole series, as Harry gets closer to a woman than […]
The Enforcer (1976)
November 28, 2021 by
Film Title
The EnforcerSynopsis
The “dirtiest” Harry of them all!
Director
James FargoCast
Clint Eastwood
Tyne Daly
DeVerne Bookwalter
Harry Guardino
Bradford Dillman
John Mitchum
John Crawford
Albert Popwell
Tagline: The “dirtiest” Harry of them all! Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Harry endures militants, radicals and, worst of all, women. Homoeroticism: The lead baddie, Bobby Maxwell (DeVeren Bookwalter) shares Harry’s love of the kill, a look of erotic rapture overtaking his face as he shoves his huge knife into […]
Magnum Force (1973)
November 22, 2021 by
Film Title
Magnum ForceSynopsis
Dirty Harry is now on the trail of rouge vigilante cops
Director
Ted PostCast
Clint Eastwood
Hal Holbrook
Mitchell Ryan
David Soul
Tim Matheson
Robert Urich
Kip Niven
Tagline: This time the bullets are hitting pretty close to home! Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Harry could just kill his Stupid Chief this time. Homoeroticism: Once again limited almost exclusively to the fetishization of guns, beginning with the opening credits sequence, which consists of a very long shot of […]
Dirty Harry (1971)
November 14, 2021 by
Film Title
Dirty HarrySynopsis
Dirty Harry hunts down a psychopath punk who is terrorizing San Francisco
Director
Don SiegelCast
Clint Eastwood
Andrew Robinson
Harry Gardino
John Vernon
Reni Santoni
Ruth Kobart
John Mitchum
Tagline: Dirty Harry and the homicidal maniac. Harry’s the one with the badge. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Only bullets can repair a broken system. Homoeroticism: Limited almost exclusively to the fetishization of guns, which of course represent dicks in the 80s Action canon, of which this is arguably the […]
Absolute Corruption: Citizen Kane, Scarface, Beauty and the Beast
November 6, 2021 by
Never before or since has any director made such an impressive feature film debut as Orson Welles with Citizen Kane, made when he was only 25 years old. Despite having no prior experience in filmmaking, Welles was given carte blanche on the production, and he delivered the most original, innovative, and provocative movie of its […]
Phantoms (1998)
October 28, 2021 by
Film Title
PhantomsSynopsis
Something evil has wiped out a town in Colorado. Someone has to try to stop it
Director
Joe ChappelleCast
Peter O'Toole
Rose McGowan
Liev Schreiber
Ben Affleck
Clifton Powell
Nicky Katt
Phantoms is awful, in that special way movies like Lawrence Kasdan and William Goldman’s Stephen King adaptation Dreamcatcher are awful. Author and screenwriter Dean Koontz is often considered the poor man’s King (perhaps unfairly, as his novel Intensity is one of the best thrillers of the 1990s), so it is fitting that Phantoms should have […]
Monkey Shines (1988)
October 28, 2021 by
Film Title
Monkey ShinesSynopsis
Monkeys always eventually resent cripples.ÂÂ
Director
George A. RomeroCast
Jason Beghe
John Pankow
Kate McNeil
Joyce Van Patten
Boo
Stephen Root
George A. Romero’s Monkey Shines is the story of Allan Mann (Jason Beghe), an athlete who is struck down by a semi-truck at the start of the movie, rendering him quadriplegic. He is forced to use one of those wheelchairs operated by blowing into a straw in order to get around, and after he hits […]
