Author: Goat
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Nocturnal Animals
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Read more: Nocturnal AnimalsThe opening imagery in Nocturnal Animals was not merely a shocking punch to the eyeballs, nor a garish tribute to someone like David Lynch. It was a flesh fair of the absurd, and dual lens into the stunning, but unhappy gallery owner, Susan Morrow. This opening gave some the validation to immediately hate, walk out,…
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The Santa Clause (1994)
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Read more: The Santa Clause (1994)Throughout my life, and in the last few years reviewing movies at Ruthless, there have been few things that have actually terrified me. After watching The Santa Clause (1994), I noticed that there are actually two sequels to this movie. That is terrifying. I would say that I have no words, but actually I do,…
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Jack Frost (1997)
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Read more: Jack Frost (1997)Jack Frost (1997) is a Christmas horror movie that has the distinction of having the worst fake snow in the history of cinematography. Unfortunately, that is the only normal distinction that this “movie” has, and I use the word “movie” in a theoretical sense only. Yes, this is a cult classic and for sheer campiness,…
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Santa With Muscles (1996)
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Read more: Santa With Muscles (1996)Bad, bad, bad, BAD. With the possible exception of Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, Santa With Muscles (1996) is not only the worst Christmas movie ever made, but it is one of the worst that could be made…ever. Weighing in at a whopping 2.4 at IMDB and ranked in the bottom 100 movies of…
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It’s Christmas, Carol! (2012)
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Read more: It’s Christmas, Carol! (2012)It’s Christmas, Carol! (2012) is yet another made for TV rendition of the Dickens classic. I had just about given up on Hallmark as some (most) of their Christmas programming is absolutely dreadful. I’d rather go visit the local church and attend their services than watch most of the family and God crap on that…
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Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday (2016)
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Read more: Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday (2016)Pee-Wee’s Big Holiday (2016) is another one of those made for Netflix gems that must not be missed. This is not even a Christmas movie, in spite of the title. But, who cares, it’s Pee-Wee Herman! Homoeroticism: This is of course the only thing that matters in this review. I’m not going to invest a…
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Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)
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Read more: Ernest Saves Christmas (1988)While browsing through IMDB and other sites for pictures, movie posters and other obligatory information for this review, I noticed that Jim Varney (Ernest) was dead. He died in 2000 of lung cancer at the age of 50. This is the only thing that brought a smile to my face during the entire viewing and…
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Santa Baby (2006)
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Read more: Santa Baby (2006)Right now I am sitting here in my office. There are 9 minutes left in this movie and I am determined to make it through this thing. Mercifully so, there is a commercial that can’t be FF’d through, as this is a FreeForm movie. My fury at this movie has abated to disgust and then…
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Hogfather (2006)
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Read more: Hogfather (2006)Hogfather (2006) is the made for TV film adaptation of the Terry Pratchett novel Hogfather, which is part of a the immensely popular Discworld book series. This TV movie is lengthy and is presented in two parts. This is not your typical save the Christmas movie as you might instantly guess, but with its gorgeous…
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Holiday in Handcuffs (2007)
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Read more: Holiday in Handcuffs (2007)Holiday in Handcuffs (2007) is obviously a Christmas movie. As you can readily see, I am running out of good Christmas Season movies to review. I have already reviewed the great classics like Alastair Sim’s version of A Christmas Carol, wonderful camp low-budget movies like A Cadaver Christmas, and steaming piles of feces like Elf.…