NFL Week 10: Halloween Is Not Quite Over Yet Edition

Ready to talk some NFL football? Great! Me too. Here goes: *ahem* FUCK Tucker Carlson. My God, the Fainting Couch Repairman’s Union are probably calling guys who haven’t worked in years. It wasn’t just the usual charlatans, either. One expects the generally-worthless corporate media to react like the sheltered, rich cowards they are, and of […]

NFL Week 9: Our Democracy’s Last Chance Edition

Sooooooo. How has everybody been? Yeah, okay, I was a little on edge last week, and it came through on the page. Can you really blame me, though? The body count went from 11 to 13 as I was trying to craft jokes about a guy sending 14 bombs to people because his pretend boyfriend […]

NFL Week 8: Bomb ‘Em and Shoot ‘Em Edition

Here extended before you is the notorious hot hand. See me, feel me, touch me. But for Manning the younger and Odell Beckham Jr. combining for a garbage time touchdown and Saquon Barkley punching in an ultimately meaningless two-point conversion, all the while being scolded from the booth by Joe Tessitore, wed have run the […]

NFL Week 7: They Play Kickball in Saudia Arabia Edition

Hello again, Ruthless! Hell-O to the surviving members of G.W.A.R.! And a big big BIG HELLO to my new friends amongst the Florida Atlantic University students and alumni who can afford an ISP. Go Owls! Like, literally. Go! Go away and stop emailing me and (oh man I’m sorry bear with me, regulars) stop sliding […]

NFL Week 6: 1.4 Billion Chinese Don’t Care Edition

One of the crazier things about gambling as a hobby is the duality of emotions that come with the territory, so to speak. Sometimes you catch a break and you’re on top of the world, hugging strangers and tossing black chips at the stickman while the dopamine and adrenaline go flooding into your brain stem. […]

NFL Football Week 5: We’re All Animals, Just Different Cages Edition

Rats! Who bears the brunt of the guilt for ruining our would-be payout last weekend? Under normal circumstances, I would either curse the Falcons for giving it away, or hammer the Bengals for stealing it. Fortunately – or, unfortunately I guess – there is enough blame to spread around. Last Sundays fourth quarter in Atlanta […]

NFL Football Week 4: The FBI Has Only One Week Edition

There are those who claim that my picks went 1-3 last week, and to those people I would say: let me take a step back and explain high school. I was number one in the class. Im going to talk about my high school record, if you’re going to sit here and mock me. I […]

NFL Week 3: Brett Kavanaugh Only Rapes For Great Justice Version

Relax. Today the captive, tomorrow the conqueror. Those of us who subject ourselves to this chaos for fun and profit are used to the swings, but if you’re new, just stay the course and think long term. Though it would be nice, we are not going to win every game every weekend. Ultimately, we are […]

NFL Week Two: It’s All About That Bass, Not The Treble Edition

YOU LIKE THAT! YOU LIKE THAT! *Badass strutting music blares* No no, just kidding, same rules as last year. Pick whatever present participle you want, gaming, handicapping, gambling, its still a game of chance at the end. We don’t apologize for losses around here and we don’t show our ass when were hot, either. Today […]

NFL Week 1: It’s Even Too Hot To Play Tennis Edition

  I Am Part of the Resistance Inside the NFL Administration. I work for Commissioner Roger Goodell but like-minded colleagues and I have vowed to thwart parts of his agenda and his worst inclinations. It was a very serious thwart vow. There were candles. We even wore robes! Commissioner Goodell is facing a test to […]