NFL Week 11: Osweiler’s Agent Edition

NFL Week 11: Osweiler’s Agent Edition It is 11:08 p.m. on Sunday night. I am soberer than I would prefer, having outdone myself on a steak-and-potato nacho bake that starched up my stomach. This created a temporary but legitimate real estate scarcity, and beer now finds itself the victim of gentrification. At this point the […]

NFL Week 10: New York or Chicago Style Edition

Pizza? War? Pizza war? Indeed, the absurdities abound as there is apparently a pizza war in effect now, raging for the soul of the National Football League. The short version goes like this: Self-made Evangelical Christian millionaire and insufferable prick Papa John Schnatter, whose underpaid and uninsured employees make the official pizza of the NFL, […]

NFL Week 9: You Will Go Blind If You Keep That Up Edition

NFL Week 9: You Will Go Blind If You Keep That Up Edition It would be classless to eat an 0-3 beat two weeks ago and brush it off as part of a process, only to come back and scream THREE AND O, BABY! from the rooftops, so you will get none of that here. […]

NFL Week 8: Yes we are still playing Baseball Edition

So there was some killer stuff on the site this week, what with everyone justifiably going bananas over Blade Runner 2049, but did you get a look at Faststeady’s piece on Omaha Hi-Lo? I read it twice despite not being involved in a real competitive poker game against either man or machine since the heyday […]

NFL Week 7: You Knew What You Were Getting In For Edition

Hey, it happens. Gotta handle the swings, that’s part of the process. Remember, a very famous man of the cloth once said that a mans gotta make at least one bet a day, else he could be walking around lucky and never know it. We’ll be alright. Now, as is custom with most football gambling […]

NFL Week 6: The Oppression Is Only In Your Mind Edition

NFL Week 6: The Oppression Is Only In Your Mind Edition This just in: Mike Ditka sucks. Mike Ditka not only sucks, Mike Ditka is an archetype of suck. Mike Ditka is a caricature of a sort of outdated, humorless hard-ass father figure exclusively in the eyes of people who hate their fathers. He was, […]

NFL Week 5: Yes, it’s already Week 5 Edition

Rats in the cellar! The dreaded double deuce! Dot cinco goose-eggs. The worst of it is that I thought we were rolling early on, too. We nailed the Saints v. Dolphins game in London, even predicting the ugly nature of the whole affair. I didn’t see it obviously, because no one not addicted to cocaine […]

NFL Week 4: Liars and Swearers Edition

Words fail me. There was a time when taking a knee meant taking a knee (see featured image) I’d like to think I’m not easily taken off guard. At this point I am fully aware that the President of the United States possesses the same temper and capacity for restraint as Poison Idea. I’ve regarded […]

NFL Week 3: Best Friends In Love

NFL Week 3: Best Friends In Love Hey look! Reader mail! Dear J.J.: In reading your prior column, in which you went a very respectable 2-1, I was struck by your assertion that the Kareem Hunts of the world outnumber the Tyreek Hills, perhaps both inside and outside of the game of football. Do you […]

NFL Week 2: What Happened? Hillary Clinton Edition

NFL Week 2: What Happened? Hillary Clinton Edition Damn you goons! I asked you last week to be decent to one another, at least in terms of how your behavior affects the game we all love. Yet, an hour or so after the column goes up, here comes video of that dumbass Dr. Pepper Guy […]