Sicario Review

Film Title

Sicario

Synopsis

Blunt justice.

Director

Denis Villeneuve

Cast

Emily Blunt
Benicio Del Toro
Daniel Kaluuya
Josh Brolin

Sicario Review   Tagline: The border is just another line to cross. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Shady interagency task force prosecutes the War On Drugs. Corpse Count: Myriad. What else would one expect from a study of Juarez and the cartel violence it exports? In the first scene, Denis […]

American Ultra Review

Film Title

American Ultra

Synopsis

C.I.A. I see ya later.

Director

Nima Nourizadeh

Cast

Kristen Stewart
Jesse Eisenberg
Topher Grace
Connie Britton
Walton Goggins

American Ultra Review   Homagingly set in Liman, West Virginia the same way someone’s unproduced comedic rip-off of Predator might star Gina Carano as ‘Colonel Val Verde,’ American Ultra is the latest in the mostly fun but forgettable Manchurian genre, another future cable tv schedule-filler about unlikely super-assassins. In RED and its sequel, the assassins […]

Ant-Man Review

Film Title

Ant-Man

Synopsis

Fight with toys.

Director

Peyton Reed

Cast

Paul Rudd
Michael Douglas
Evangeline Lilly
Corey Stoll

Ant-Man Review   A customer enters a Baskin-Robbins. Baskin-Robbins’s menu is all the same stuff – globs of frozen sugar presented in different colors. The customer orders a hamburger or something. The cashier is confused. The customer gazes at the menu as he inquires about some other cooked item. The employee is baffled that a […]

Kung Fury Review

Film Title

Kung Fury

Synopsis

Renegade cop visits a new old enemy.

Director

David Sandberg

Cast

David Sandberg
Jorma Taccone
Andreas Cahling
Eleni Young
Helene Ahlson

Kung Fury Review   Tagline: An homage and love letter to the 80s, brought to you by KickStarter. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Kung Fu renegade cop time-travels to kill Hitler. Homoeroticism: Our protagonist’s introduction: True, he does immediately leave his sexy ladyfriend to go drive his ridiculous sports car […]

Mad Max: Fury Road Review

Film Title

Mad Max: Fury Road

Synopsis

Kill or be dust.

Director

George Miller

Cast

Tom Hardy
Charlize Theron
Nicholas Hoult
Hugh Keays-Byrne

Mad Max: Fury Road Review   Mad Max: Fury Road arrives in cinemas to extinguish the fire of stratospheric expectations, and it does so with gasoline. It is a tale told by a genius, full of sound and other stuff, signifying everything. It is an unprecedentedly satisfying realization of our collective projections about what belongs […]

Avengers: Age of Ultron Review

Film Title

Avengers: Age of Ultron

Director

Joss Whedon

Cast

All the actors who are already super-rich.

Embrace the meaninglessness.

Ex Machina Review

Film Title

Ex Machina

Synopsis

Please let this happen in my lifetime.

Director

Alex Garland

Cast

Domhnall Gleeson
Corey Johnson
Oscar Isaac
Alicia Vikander
Sonoya Mizuno

Sex Robots: The cause of, and solution to all of life’s problems.

Sabotage Action Movie Review

Film Title

Sabotage

Synopsis

Sabotage Action Movie Review: DEA stands for “Drunks Enjoy Asskicking.”

Director

David Ayer

Cast

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sam Worthington, Terrence Howard

David Ayer is going to keep making this shit until every American law enforcement agency has been depicted as a gang of douchebro meathead heroes.

300 – Rise Of An Empire

  In these days of endless sequels, prequels, remakes, reboots, remaquels, reimaginings, updates, by-the-numbers tentpole franchise installments, rip-offs, spin-offs, cash-ins, and bland PG-13 superhero blockbusters produced for the sole purpose of maintaining a studio’s legal claim to a title’s intellectual property rights, it is refreshing to behold an unashamedly gory big budget action epic that […]

Juan Does Oscar

A Ruthless Guide to Some of the 2014 Academy Awards’ Failures