Sicario Review Tagline: The border is just another line to cross. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Shady interagency task force prosecutes the War On Drugs. Corpse Count: Myriad. What else would one expect from a study of Juarez and the cartel violence it exports? In the first scene, Denis […]
Benicio Del Toro
Film TitleAmerican Ultra
C.I.A. I see ya later.
American Ultra Review Homagingly set in Liman, West Virginia the same way someone’s unproduced comedic rip-off of Predator might star Gina Carano as ‘Colonel Val Verde,’ American Ultra is the latest in the mostly fun but forgettable Manchurian genre, another future cable tv schedule-filler about unlikely super-assassins. In RED and its sequel, the assassins […]
Fight with toys.
Ant-Man Review A customer enters a Baskin-Robbins. Baskin-Robbins’s menu is all the same stuff – globs of frozen sugar presented in different colors. The customer orders a hamburger or something. The cashier is confused. The customer gazes at the menu as he inquires about some other cooked item. The employee is baffled that a […]
Film TitleKung Fury
Renegade cop visits a new old enemy.
Kung Fury Review Tagline: An homage and love letter to the 80s, brought to you by KickStarter. Entire Story In Fewer Words Than Are In This Sentence: Kung Fu renegade cop time-travels to kill Hitler. Homoeroticism: Our protagonist’s introduction: True, he does immediately leave his sexy ladyfriend to go drive his ridiculous sports car […]
Film TitleMad Max: Fury Road
Kill or be dust.
Mad Max: Fury Road Review Mad Max: Fury Road arrives in cinemas to extinguish the fire of stratospheric expectations, and it does so with gasoline. It is a tale told by a genius, full of sound and other stuff, signifying everything. It is an unprecedentedly satisfying realization of our collective projections about what belongs […]
Film TitleAvengers: Age of Ultron
All the actors who are already super-rich.
Embrace the meaninglessness.
Film TitleEx Machina
Please let this happen in my lifetime.
Sex Robots: The cause of, and solution to all of life’s problems.
Sabotage Action Movie Review: DEA stands for “Drunks Enjoy Asskicking.”
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sam Worthington, Terrence Howard
David Ayer is going to keep making this shit until every American law enforcement agency has been depicted as a gang of douchebro meathead heroes.
A Ruthless Guide to Some of the 2014 Academy Awards’ Failures