It wasn’t me. It was the one-legged man. “It is good to see the Chinese are embracing the shittiest aspects of American cinema, just like us Americans.” – Me, minutes after the conclusion of Skyscraper. Before you start furiously typing a comment about how Skyscraper is not meant to be an Oscar winner, I know. […]
Skyscraper

Film Title
SkyscraperSynopsis
Stupid Die Hard.
Director
Rawson Marshall ThurberCast
Dwayne Johnson
Neve Campbell
Pablo Schreiber
Byron Mann
Chin Han
Tzi Ma
Hannah Quinlivan
Roland Moller
McKenna Roberts
Noah Taylor
Ant-Man and the Wasp

Film Title
Ant-Man and the WaspSynopsis
Wasp shows Ant-Man how to kick some quantum ass.
Director
Peyton ReedCast
Paul Rudd
Evangeline Lilly
Hannah John-Kamen
Michael Douglas
Michelle Pfeiffer
Laurence Fishburne
Walton Goggins
Michael Pena
Judy Greer
Bobby Cannavale
Abby Ryder Forston
Back to the future. With the box office disappointment of Solo: A Star Wars Story, Disney executives are freaking out. Star Wars has reliably been a billion-dollar-per-movie enterprise since Disney purchased Lucasfilm, and anything less is the equivalent of the New England Patriots failing to win the Super Bowl. In other words, completely unacceptable. Heads […]
Sicario: Day of the Soldado

Film Title
Sicario: Day of the SoldadoSynopsis
Does anyone even remember what a Sicario is?
Director
Stefano SollimaCast
Josh Brolin
Benicio del Toro
Isabela Moner
Catherine Keener
Jeffrey Donovan
Matthew Modine
Manuel Garcia-Rulfo
Elijah Rodriguez
Whistling at dogs. Note to readers: I have tried to keep politics out of my movie reviews, but when viewing Sicario: Day of the Soldado, the film’s politics are impossible to ignore given recent events. Thus, it is impossible not to write about politics here. A list of current events in the United States includes: […]
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Film Title
Jurassic World: Fallen KingdomSynopsis
Finding news way to suck the fun out of dinosaurs.
Director
J.A. BayonaCast
Chris Pratt
Bryce Dallas Howard
Rafe Spall
James Cromwell
Ted Levine
Justice Smith
Daniella Pineda
Toby Jones
Jeff Goldblum
BD Wong
Isabella Sermon
How to train your dinosaur (or, A steaming pile). “I am never mad at the end of movies. All I wanted from this movie was to be entertained and it could not even do that. And, I liked A Wrinkle in Time. Well, at least until I started thinking about it.” – My friend, after […]
American Animals

Film Title
American AnimalsSynopsis
Four privileged kids try to steal rare books and it goes as well as you would guess.
Director
Bart LaytonCast
Evan Peters
Barry Keoghan
Jared Abrahamson
Blake Jenner
Ann Dowd
Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? When I was a kid, my parents watched America’s Most Wanted with John Walsh. Episodes featured cheap reenactments of crimes committed by featured suspects to give the audience something to watch besides Mr. Walsh talking, even though that something to watch had the cinematic quality of anthropomorphic finger […]
Solo: A Star Wars Story

Film Title
Solo: A Star Wars StorySynopsis
How Han gets his stuff.
Director
Ron HowardCast
Alden Ehrenreich
Donald Glover
Emilia Clarke
Woody Harrelson
Thandie Newton
Paul Bettany
Joonas Suotamo
Jon Favreau
Phoebe Waller-Bridge
Sorry, were you hoping to learn something interesting about Han Solo? Benign. Rote. By-the-book. Fine. Adequate. Entertaining enough. All are applicable adjectives to the latest Star Wars movie, Solo: A Star Wars Story. Hell, “A Star Wars Story” is probably the perfect way to describe Solo because it is generic and tells us something we […]
Avengers: Infinity War

Film Title
Avengers: Infinity WarSynopsis
WordPress Strikes Again
Director
Anthony and Joe RussoCast
Everyone
Winter is here. Ten years people. We have been waiting ten years for Avengers: Infinity War and it is finally here. Eighteen movies and three television series later and it is finally here. Okay, so not many people watch all three TV series. I forgot Inhumans was even a thing (just eight episodes), Agent Carter […]
Rampage

Film Title
RampageSynopsis
Science happens and animals go boom.
Director
Brad PeytonCast
Dwayne Johnson
Malin Akerman
Jake Lacy
Naomie Harris
Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Keep it simple, stupid. If you were to make a list of video games you would most like to see adapted into movies, I am guessing that list would include exactly zero classic arcade games. I have never expressed a desire to see a Galaga or Centipede movie on the silver screen nor have I […]
Ready Player One

Film Title
Ready Player OneSynopsis
A virtual treasure hunt.
Director
Steven SpielbergCast
Tye Sheridan
Olivia Cooke
Ben Mendelsohn
Simon Pegg
Lena Waithe
Mark Rylance
T.J. Miller
Whew! If you are not a fan of CGI and think that CGI is ruining film, Ready Player One might kill you. At the very least, it will give you an aneurism or a stroke. Possibly both. If so, you deserve it. I am not quite ready to devote my year-end review to all of […]
Pacific Rim: Uprising

Film Title
Pacific Rim: UprisingSynopsis
Giant robots don’t fight giant monsters for the vast majority of the screen time.
Director
Steven S. DeKnightCast
John Boyega
Scott Eastwood
Cailee Spaeny
Tian Jing
Charlie Day
Burn Gorman
I’ve seen worse. Coming out of Pacific Rim: Uprising, there were plenty of moviegoers that enjoyed the film and that is cool. There is plenty of room in our lives for big, loud, popcorn flicks like Pacific Rim: Uprising. I, myself, enjoyed the hell out of Pacific Rim and gave it a gigantic pass on […]