You can take your stats and shove up them up your tailpipe. As a lifelong baseball fan, statistics are interesting to me, have been ever since I was a kid. I loved reading baseball articles that painted a fantastical picture of my favorite players doing seemingly otherworldly things and I loved how they weaved in […]
Film TitleCars 3
Larry the Cable Guy
Cave art leads humans to their creators and black goo.
Prometheus (2012) The last time I saw a movie as incomplete as Prometheus was when I saw I am Legend. I remember leaving the theater after I am Legend being really disappointed and thinking there were twenty minutes missing that would have helped the movie make more sense. Lo and behold, the DVD included an […]
Film TitleThe Mummy (2017)
A secret organization battles an evil mummy with mercury and Tom Cruise.
Courtney B. Vance
No, a different mummy. Did you know that Universal Pictures is launching a whole franchise called Dark Universe? Maybe I’m slipping a bit on Hollywood current events because I had not heard so much as a whisper about this until screening the first film in the franchise – The Mummy – Tuesday night (June 7). […]
Film TitleWonder Woman
Wonder Woman overcomes World War I German armies and Zack Snyder’s writing and style to deliver the first worthwhile DCEU film.
No, I will not make a lasso of truth or wonder pun. As I write this (on May 31), Wonder Woman is currently enjoying a 97% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes (over 93 reviews). No, that is not a typo and, yes, we’re talking about a DC movie co-written and co-produced by Zack Snyder (directed […]
Film TitleAlien: Covenant
Goran D Kleut
A great use of a mulligan. After the visually pleasing, but narrative mess that was 2012’s Prometheus, and the continued misses in the video game arena, the Alien franchise has been on life support for years. To be fair, Prometheus turned something of a profit and the critical reception was favorable, but the majority of […]
Film TitleKing Arthur: Legend of the Sword
King Arthur: Legend of the Sword. Once upon a time a director set out to tell his version of King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table. That director had a grand vision of using his unique frantic style of cinematography and a pile of 3-D effects to bring King Arthur, dirt, and a […]
Film TitleGuardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2
Family matters and poop jokes.
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. Well, it had to end sometime. Marvel was on amazing streak of great movie after great movie, but nothing goes on forever. Kind of like United States’ good standing in the world, but that’s a discussion for another time. Back in 2014, we all wondered how a movie featuring […]
Film TitleThe Lost City of Z
The boring life story of Percy Fawcett, a British explorer who never finds what he’s looking for, but does leave his wife and family multiple times.
As you might already know, I’m a huge fan of history. Whenever there is a movie about a historical event, I’m in. I did not know that The Lost City of Z was non-fiction, having not read the book, nor did I do any research prior to the screening. All I knew about it was […]
A young math prodigy becomes the poster child for an old George Carlin rant.
In 1999, George Carlin recorded a set called You Are All Diseased, in which he did a segment ranting about the then current obsession with children. Not that that obsession has abated at all over the last two decades, but he specifically went off about parents overloading their children with structure and play dates. After […]
Film TitleGoing in Style
Old guys a rob a bank in an unfunny way.
To quote myself from my Beauty and the Beast review, “I realize I am not the intended audience for this film.” The difference with Going in Style is that I should be. Just because the average age of its three stars (Morgan Freeman, Alan Arkin, and Michael Caine) is 82 doesn’t mean that non-octogenarians can’t […]