Christopher Robin

Film Title

Christopher Robin

Synopsis

Winnie-the-Pooh and Hook too.

Director

Marc Forster

Cast

Ewan McGregor
Hayley Atwell
Bronte Carmichael
Mark Gatiss

Rufio-o-o-o-o! If I saw a kid carrying a bunch of stuffed animals and those stuffed animals were talking, I might raise an eyebrow as I walked by. It is 2018 – a talking toy of any sort is commonplace. However, if it were 1948, I might follow the kid home, then find a priest to […]

The Equalizer 2

Film Title

The Equalizer 2

Synopsis

Denzel kills people in far less interesting ways than last time.

Director

Antoine Fuqua

Cast

Denzel Washington
Pedro Pascal
Melissa Leo
Ashton Sanders
Bill Pullman

Discount Batman. After having just watch the MLB All-Star game, my mind was focused on trivial facts. Baseball is full of them. One running joke in my house is whenever my wife overhears a baseball announcer rambling about some statistic, she will add on something like “during day games on a Tuesday in leap years.” […]

Skyscraper

Film Title

Skyscraper

Synopsis

Stupid Die Hard.

Director

Rawson Marshall Thurber

Cast

Dwayne Johnson
Neve Campbell
Pablo Schreiber
Byron Mann
Chin Han
Tzi Ma
Hannah Quinlivan
Roland Moller
McKenna Roberts
Noah Taylor

It wasn’t me. It was the one-legged man. “It is good to see the Chinese are embracing the shittiest aspects of American cinema, just like us Americans.” – Me, minutes after the conclusion of Skyscraper. Before you start furiously typing a comment about how Skyscraper is not meant to be an Oscar winner, I know. […]

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Film Title

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Synopsis

Wasp shows Ant-Man how to kick some quantum ass.

Director

Peyton Reed

Cast

Paul Rudd
Evangeline Lilly
Hannah John-Kamen
Michael Douglas
Michelle Pfeiffer
Laurence Fishburne
Walton Goggins
Michael Pena
Judy Greer
Bobby Cannavale
Abby Ryder Forston

Back to the future. With the box office disappointment of Solo: A Star Wars Story, Disney executives are freaking out. Star Wars has reliably been a billion-dollar-per-movie enterprise since Disney purchased Lucasfilm, and anything less is the equivalent of the New England Patriots failing to win the Super Bowl. In other words, completely unacceptable. Heads […]

Sicario: Day of the Soldado

Film Title

Sicario: Day of the Soldado

Synopsis

Does anyone even remember what a Sicario is?

Director

Stefano Sollima

Cast

Josh Brolin
Benicio del Toro
Isabela Moner
Catherine Keener
Jeffrey Donovan
Matthew Modine
Manuel Garcia-Rulfo
Elijah Rodriguez

Whistling at dogs. Note to readers: I have tried to keep politics out of my movie reviews, but when viewing Sicario: Day of the Soldado, the film’s politics are impossible to ignore given recent events. Thus, it is impossible not to write about politics here. A list of current events in the United States includes: […]

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Film Title

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Synopsis

Finding news way to suck the fun out of dinosaurs.

Director

J.A. Bayona

Cast

Chris Pratt
Bryce Dallas Howard
Rafe Spall
James Cromwell
Ted Levine
Justice Smith
Daniella Pineda
Toby Jones
Jeff Goldblum
BD Wong
Isabella Sermon

How to train your dinosaur (or, A steaming pile). “I am never mad at the end of movies. All I wanted from this movie was to be entertained and it could not even do that. And, I liked A Wrinkle in Time. Well, at least until I started thinking about it.” – My friend, after […]

American Animals

Film Title

American Animals

Synopsis

Four privileged kids try to steal rare books and it goes as well as you would guess.

Director

Bart Layton

Cast

Evan Peters
Barry Keoghan
Jared Abrahamson
Blake Jenner
Ann Dowd

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do? When I was a kid, my parents watched America’s Most Wanted with John Walsh. Episodes featured cheap reenactments of crimes committed by featured suspects to give the audience something to watch besides Mr. Walsh talking, even though that something to watch had the cinematic quality of anthropomorphic finger […]

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Film Title

Solo: A Star Wars Story

Synopsis

How Han gets his stuff.

Director

Ron Howard

Cast

Alden Ehrenreich
Donald Glover
Emilia Clarke
Woody Harrelson
Thandie Newton
Paul Bettany
Joonas Suotamo
Jon Favreau
Phoebe Waller-Bridge

Sorry, were you hoping to learn something interesting about Han Solo? Benign. Rote. By-the-book. Fine. Adequate. Entertaining enough. All are applicable adjectives to the latest Star Wars movie, Solo: A Star Wars Story. Hell, “A Star Wars Story” is probably the perfect way to describe Solo because it is generic and tells us something we […]

Avengers: Infinity War

Film Title

Avengers: Infinity War

Synopsis

WordPress Strikes Again

Director

Anthony and Joe Russo

Cast

Everyone

Winter is here. Ten years people. We have been waiting ten years for Avengers: Infinity War and it is finally here. Eighteen movies and three television series later and it is finally here. Okay, so not many people watch all three TV series. I forgot Inhumans was even a thing (just eight episodes), Agent Carter […]

Rampage

Film Title

Rampage

Synopsis

Science happens and animals go boom.

Director

Brad Peyton

Cast

Dwayne Johnson
Malin Akerman
Jake Lacy
Naomie Harris
Jeffrey Dean Morgan

Keep it simple, stupid. If you were to make a list of video games you would most like to see adapted into movies, I am guessing that list would include exactly zero classic arcade games. I have never expressed a desire to see a Galaga or Centipede movie on the silver screen nor have I […]