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About The Author

Mike has 4 skills in life- drinking, reviewing black metal, being unemployed, and general uselessness. He writes about 2 pieces a year, but they are invariably our most popular because our readership is comprised of 17 year-old Scandinavian virgins, by which we mean 28 year-old Scandinavian virgins.

Mike von Hobart

UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: REGENERATION

by Mike von Hobart June 11, 2010

Reanimated. Rearmed. The Ultimate Rematch.

ON DEADLY GROUND

by Mike von Hobart July 8, 2009

Mike Von Hobart reviews Steven Seagal’s magnificent directorial debut.

ONE HIT WONDERS OF 80S ACTION VOL VIII

by Mike von Hobart February 18, 2009

We see her fumble through what few lines she utters
and then we see her die.

OUT FOR JUSTICE

by Mike von Hobart July 20, 2008

Gino plunges a corkscrew into Richie’s forehead, killing him instantly. Then he shoots Richie’s corpse three times, killing it instantly.

BEST OF THE BEST

by Mike von Hobart May 30, 2008

Five top American fighters to face off against five of Korea’s finest Tae Kwon Doe masters in a full-contact tournament. Why? To prove that with a little grit and determination, America can rectify the catastrophe of the Korean War by beating the filthy little slopes…