That wasn’t in the books at all. From what I understand, Stephanie Meyer wrote that Jacob stuck his dick in Bella, letting the baby bite the head and suck some blood out for nutrients.

The movie starts out with a bunch of scientists in the desert farting around with a bunch of toys that would make a steam punk shoot butthole cream into his pantaloon.

It is here that I realized Gosling was a functioning retard the whole time. It was this twist that perhaps saved the movie.

The deep blue has killed more curious men than AIDS and Everest combined, which is why it’s the perfect setting for a horror/revenge flick.

Burt Reynolds is a murdering sociopath pederast with a case of jungle fever, but his real flaw is that he’s a cop.

Lies and Illusions. It could be the title to a romance novel. The name of a Nickleback song. An 8th grader’s poem about society.

Here, our turds have become one. On a unified, peaceful accord. Insulated selfhood gives way into innate, homogenized harmony.

If women, inferior to men in almost every physical aspect, could skate that fast, hit that hard, or could dust themselves off after taking a nasty tumble, what was I capable of? Imagine my own potential!

Back in the 1980′s, Google didn’t exist; therefore, nobody knew the truth about anything.

Poseidon Farted