The Ruthless Football Awards 2007

2007 Football Awards

QUIET RIOT – IOWA STATE FAIR

QR had all the answers I needed. Fuck my times tables

BARRY BONDS IS MY PERSONAL HERO

I don’t root for Barry Bonds because I like him; I root for him because I admire him.

$600 MILLION FOR WHAT?

The irony in all of this is that every Saturday afternoon in the fall, Los Angeles tells the NFL to go fuck itself.

MARK MCGWIRE GOT FUCKED

However, the very scribes and arbiters of greatness who praised McGwire not 10 years ago for helping to save…

SAWING PIGS APART

Thereís no way that accepting a job on the Ham Line at Tysonís Meats reports a life of success.

HEY TOOTHLESSBERGER, TAKE A FUCKING BREAK

Ben Roethlisberger, Youíre the man in Pittsburgh. Women wielding cheese fries and Iron City Beer want fuck you in their front yards.

FUCK TONY DUNGY, PART DEUX

Generally speaking, Jesus freaks love publicity. They take to it like gay guys at the club take to amyl-nitrates, cocaine and anonymous sex in the bathroom.

FUCK THE NFL DRAFT

Teams like the Lions, Texans, Vikings, Rams and Bills consistently fuck up their drafts because they think they have some magical ability to see something on film that no one else sees.

FUCK TONY DUNGY

“There are three F’s in Dungy’s life: his faith, his family and then football in that order.”