REQUIEM FOR STEVE McNAIR

You know that unattainable beauty you see at your office every day? She’s an afternoon snack for a pro quarterback, so you can understand why McNair had to beat them off with his prodigious and oft-used member before ending up involved with a delusional club trollop who was looking for a sugar daddy.

MOON

Sam Rockwell stars in one of the best science fiction films in years.

The Ultimate Fighter: United States vs. United Kingdom

If they’d had MMA in 1776, the world would be a very different place.

TRANSFORMERS: REVENGE OF THE FALLEN

Someone kill us all now, please.

The Ruthless Football Awards 2009

Bones hands out some awards to mark the conclusion of the 2008/09 season.

AN OPEN LETTER TO SHEPARD SMITH

Stop torturing yourself, Shep.

GREAT WHITE ROCKS IOWA

Great White plays My Waterloo Days 2009

X-MEN ORIGINS: WOLVERINE

Fucking atrocious.

ANGELS AND DEMONS

The Da Vinci Code was an autistic child; Angels and Demons is a full-blown Downer baby with fetal alcohol syndrome.

Crank 2: High Voltage

Tough Englishman must keep himself alive by repeatedly shocking himself, all while finding the man who stole his heart. Just like Macbeth.