Moms’ Night Out Review

Film Title

Moms' Night Out

Synopsis

When the revolution comes, I’ll be at 99 Ranch.

Director

The Erwin Brothers

Cast

Sarah Drew
Sean Astin
Patricia Heaton
Trace Adkins
Andrea Logan White
Abbie Cobb
Kevin Downes
Robert Amaya

The Unbearable Whiteness of White People.

Behaving Badly Review

Film Title

Behaving Badly

Synopsis

Dylan McDermott refers to his penis as “The Vomiting Cobra”.

Director

Who cares?

Cast

Selena Gomez
some other people
Cary Elwes
PATRICK WARBURTON
OH GOD YES

0% on Rotten Tomatoes!

Rage (aka Tokarev) Review

Film Title

Rage

Synopsis

Serious business.

Director

Paco Cabezas

Cast

Nicolas Cage
Danny Glover
Rachel Nichols
Max Ryan
Michael McGrady
Peter Stormare
Aubrey Peeples

Nicolas Cage.

You Won’t BELIEVE What A Piece Of Shit Transcendence Is!

Film Title

Transcendence

Synopsis

Panic In The Intertubes

Director

Wally Pfister

Cast

Johnny Depp
Rebecca Hall
Paul Bettany
Kate Mara
Morgan Freeman
Cillian Murphy
The Internet

Almost dumber than Gravity. Almost.

X-Men: Days of Future Past Review

Film Title

X-Men: Days of Future Past

Synopsis

Wolverine’s Excellent Adventure.

Director

Bryan Singer

Cast

Every Single Character Fox Has The Rights To Except Psylocke And Her Ass.

Do you know what happens to bad movies when they’re struck by lightning?

RoboCop (2014): A Second Opinion

Film Title

RoboCop (2014)

Synopsis

At least he doesn’t have a jetpack.

Director

Jose Padilha

Cast

Joel Kinnaman
Michael Keaton
Gary Oldman
Samuel L. Jackson
Jackie Earle Haley
Abbie Cornish
Michael K. Williams

Better than RoboCop 3!

Vampire Academy Review

Film Title

Vampire Academy

Synopsis

Hellhounds are now called “Psyhounds”. I don’t even know what that means.

Director

Mark Waters

Cast

Zoey Deutch
Lucy Fry
Sarah Hyland
Danila Kozlovsky
Dominic Sherwood
Gabriel Byrne
Olga Kurylenko

I guess turning into a bat isn’t taught until college.

Spiderman 5: Spiderman is Amazing, Part 2: The End of Cinema

Film Title

The Amazing Spiderman 2

Synopsis

Events occur.

Director

Marc Webb

Cast

Spiderman, Gwen Stacy, Electro, Harry Osborn, Rhino, The Sony Ad Wizards, Hilariously Awesome CGI Female-Ejaculated Straight Out Of That Ukrainian Prosecutor Lady's Vagina, Sally Field

Why is this happening?

Daikatana Review

Hey, did you hear that this game kind of sucked?

Knights of Badassdom Review

Film Title

Knights of Badassdom

Synopsis

LARPers vs. Paintballers vs. a Demon. Oh dear God.

Director

Joe Lynch

Cast

Steve Zahn
Ryan Kwanten
Summer Glau
Margarita Levieva
Jimmi Simpson
Peter Dinklage

Fuck LARPing. Fuck paintball. Fuck everything.