Orange Is The New Black: Netflix Review

A comedy/drama by the creator of Weeds shows us that the way forward for feminism is just admitting that women are ridiculous.

We Need More Women Comedians!

Women can’t throw. They just can’t. Everybody knows it. Yes, some of them can employ a strange underhanded windmill toss that strikes out a fellow bad driver on a softball field. That’s good for them, but your average dame couldn’t hit the broad side of Lindy West with a jar of pickles. Note: women can’t […]

Red 2 Movie Review – Welcome to the Age of Geriatric Action

Film Title

Red 2

Synopsis

Retired CIA agents are accused of being nuclear terrorists. To avoid being killed, they must seek out a rogue nuke that was hidden in Moscow during the cold war.

Director

Dean Parisot

Cast

Bruce Willis
Mary-Louise Parker
John Malkovich
Helen Mirren
Sir Anthony Hopkins
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Byung-hun Lee
Brian Cox
Neal McDonough

If The Expendables was the final roar of a withered Tyrannosaurus Rex, Red 2 is more like a soft heave of breath as the dinosaur lays dying. Welcome to the decade of 100 male versions of Norma Desmond, all shot in bullet time. Welcome to the decade of geri-action.

Pacific Rim Review

Film Title

Pacific Rim

Synopsis

ROAR

Director

Guillermo Del Toro

Cast

Idris Elba, some other people, a bunch of awesome giant monsters, Ron Perlman

Do people even watch the movies they review anymore?

Sheena, Queen of the Jungle

Above all, Sheena is an African story, which, for the white world, means strange magic, exposed breasts, and unending corruption culminating in fratricide.

Cat People (1982 Schrader version)- Film Review

Synopsis

Orphaned Irena Gallier (Nastassia Kinski) is overjoyed to be re-united with her brother Paul (Malcolm McDowell) in New Orleans. She soon finds a job working at the zoo, and a love interest in the kind zoo-keeper Oliver Yates (John Heard). Unfortunately, her family history throws more than the usual complications into doing the horizontal tango…

Director

Paul Schrader

Cast

Nastassia Kinski
Malcolm McDowell
John Heard
Annette O'Toole
Ruby Dee
Ed Begley

Cat People (1982Schrader version) rated R for maiming, mauling, and oh so much nudity

The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean

John Milius is a fascist. “Zen fascist,” if we’re a slave to accuracy, but self-described and self-appointed nonetheless, having spent an entire career of bearded bravado lecturing lesser mortals on their effete passivity in the face of jackboots, cock-first supremacy, and the finer points of unlimited ammo.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters Review

Synopsis

Trying Too Hard 101

Director

Tommy Wirkola

Cast

Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen

No.

Despicable Me 2: Film Review

Synopsis

Jumping a shark tied to high-explosive rockets into an active volcano….

Director

Pierre Coffin, Chris Renaud

Cast

Steve Carell, Gru
Miranda Cosgrove, Margo
Kristen Wiig, Lucy Wilde
Homer Simpson, Poochie

The Twinkie minions are given center stage, and their combination of gibberish speech and bumbling infighting makes the film fun.

Film Review- The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus

Synopsis

Synopsis: There’s a shape-changing conman, who alternates between the forms of the Joker, Captain Jack Sparrow, Gigolo Joe, and Alexander the Great. The shapeshifting con-man is rescued by the theatrical troupe of Dumbledore, Spider-Man, and Mini-Me. In gratitude, the con-man attempts to help them win a bet made with Tom Waits, who is the Devil, in order to save the soul of hot redheaded Lily Cole.

Director

Terry Gilliam

Cast

Heath Ledger as Tony Shepherd
Johnny Depp as Tony Shepherd
Jude Law as Tony Shepherd
Colin Ferrell as Tony Shepherd
Christopher Plummer as Dr. Parnassus
Tom Waits as Old Nick
Lily Cole as Valentina
Andrew Garfield as Anton
Verne Troyer as Percy

Film Review- The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus 123 Minutes, PG-13 for adult themes The pleasures and perils of imagination… Is it Truly as Awesome as Your Synopsis Suggests? Not quite. But it’s still a wonderful and weird delirium of a movie. I’m glad that this is not Terry Gilliam’s last film, though it could have […]