Santa Jaws (2018 SyFy)

Film Title

Santa Jaws (2018 SyFy)

Synopsis

A pissed off shark wages the real war on Christmas

Director

Misty Talley

Cast

Reid Miller
Jim Klock
Carrie Lazar
Arthur Marroquin
Miles Doleac
Haviland Stillwell
Hawn Tran
Scott Allen Perry
Ritchie Montgomery

I have watched and reviewed my fair share of fish and Christmas Movies. Today was a good day as I finally got my cable back up and running after they replaced everything from the outside line, to the set. I decided to celebrate by finding the cheesiest Christmas movie that I had not yet reviewed. […]

Christmas In Connecticut (1945)

Film Title

Christmas In Connecticut (1945)

Synopsis

A Christmas Classic Movie where lying about everything is treated as a virtue



Cast

Barbara Stanwyck
Dennis Morgan
Sydney Greenstreet
Reginald Gardner
S.Z. Sakall
Una O'Connor
Dick Elliot

I’ve reviewed a dozen or more Christmas Movies this season. There have been good movies and bad, but mostly bad. White Christmas was pleasantly dated, but watchable. Except for Mercy Christmas, most of the horror/slasher Christmas Movies were just poorly made. Christmas In Connecticut is in a class of its own. This was the most […]

Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2013)

Film Title

Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2013)

Synopsis

The worst Krampus movie ever made

Director

Jason Hull

Cast

Jay Dobyns
Bill Oberst Jr.
Darin Foltz
Richard Goteri
Paul Ferm
Some Other People

Krampus: The Christmas Devil (2013) O.K., that’s it. No more. This is the last horrible Christmas movie that I’m going to watch and review this year. Of course, I may change my mind tomorrow, but right now I’m as as firm as President Trump’s foreign policy. No more, I say. I really didn’t think I […]

Killer Christmas (2017)

Film Title

Killer Christmas (2017)

Synopsis

A bunch of bratty college kids get killed

Director

PeterPaul and Tony Shaker

Cast

Malcolm Xavier
Freya Lund
PeterPaul Shaker
Sherry Shaker
Kourtney Keller AS BELLA!
Tony Shaker
Natalie Pavelek

Why, why, why do I do this? You know, I used to really like my job. I review Christmas Movies, so what could possibly go wrong? I know and expect to get my share of the stinkers, but this year has been unusually hard. This movie gets an immediate and uncontested 10.0/10.0 for sheer annoyance […]

White Christmas (1954)

Film Title

White Christmas (1954)

Synopsis

Danny Kaye and Bing Crosby hope to bring Vermont a very White and very Gay Christmas

Director

Michael Curtiz

Cast

Bing Crosby
Danny Kaye
Dean Jagger
Rosemary Clooney
Vera-Ellen
Mary Wickes

Last year a friend sent me a copy of White Christmas as a joke Christmas present. I realized that I had never really watched this Christmas classic, or remember watching it, so I popped it in the ole DVD player last night. After the viewing, I had the feeling that not only was the movie […]

A Merry Little Christmas (2006)

Film Title

A Merry Little Christmas (2006)

Synopsis

This is a movie about Jerks.

Director

John Dowling Jr./ Carl Fink

Cast

Matt McCoy
Jane Sibbert
Adam Ferarra
Carol Alt
Hunter Gomez
Christa B. Allen
Kevin Brown

A Merry Little Christmas (2006), a.k.a The Town That Banned Christmas is without a doubt one of the dumbest, most unnecessary and incompetently made Christmas Movies I have ever watched. Don’t worry, A Meowy Christmas will always take its place as the worst Christmas Movie ever made, but this one is certainly in the top […]

Once Upon A Time At Christmas (2017)

Film Title

Once Upon A Time At Christmas (2017)

Synopsis

Mr. and Mrs. Claus go on a boring killing spree.

Director

Paul Tanter

Cast

Simon Phillips
Sayla de Goede
Jeff Ellenberger
Barry Kennedy
David E Lee
Laurel Brady
Brook Fletcher

Once Upon A Time At Christmas (2017) was a Christmas horror/slasher movie that featured a psycho and deranged Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus. They found much joy in clocking people with axes and crossbows. It was quickly obvious that the murders were themed on the Christmas song, The 12 Days of Christmas. The victims had […]

Mercy Christmas (2017)

Film Title

Mercy Christmas (2017)

Synopsis

Michael’s dream come true becomes a nightmare or- Choose your last name carefully

Director

Ryan Nelson

Cast

Cole Gleason
Ryan Boyd
Gwen Van Dam
David Rupprecht
Whitney Neilson
Steven Hubbell
D.J. Hale
Joseph Keane

I wasn’t expecting much when I fired up this Christmas Slasher cheese-fest. I had recently watched Scrooge In The Hood, and Mercy Christmas has an even lower User Rating from IMDB. Yes, the bar is low for Christmas horror movies. What I actually saw was a well-acted, hilarious, but bloody camp masterpiece. This Christmas film […]

The Christmas Chronicles (Netflix 2018)

Film Title

The Christmas Chronicles (Netflix 2018)

Synopsis

A family rediscovers its Christmas spirit after an unlikely enounter with one of the greatest Santa’s ever.

Director

Clay Katis

Cast

Kurt Russell
Judah Lewis
Darby Camp
Kimberly Williams-Paisley
Martin Roach
Lamorne Morris
Steven Van Zandt
Goldie Hawn

Christmas Must Be Saved! This is the timeless and hackneyed theme of most Christmas Movies, good and bad. From iconic classics like The Miracle on 34th Street, to horrible dreck like Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny, Christmas MUST be saved! This time, we don’t have the bumbling Ernest or the magnificent Death saving Hogswatch […]

Scrooge In The Hood

Film Title

Scrooge In The Hood

Synopsis

The Jewish Mafia tries to move in on Scrooge’s ‘Ho business.

Director

Richard Chandler

Cast

George Raynor as Scrooge
Seregon O'Dassey as The Ghost of Christmas Past
Bill Jacques as Mr. Crotchrot
Alexander Hauck as Tiny Tim
Todd Therrien
Richard Chandler

The only thing wrong with this Christmas film, other than the acting, production, direction, sets, editing, cinematography and writing, was that it was an incredible 1hr. 23 minutes long. Scrooge In The Hood, a.k.a Silent Night, Dead Night is yet another obscure rendition of the Dickens classic Tagline: We Put The Dick In Charles Dickens […]