Christmas Vacation

Film Title

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation

Synopsis

We’re going to have the hap hap happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tapdanced with Danny Fucking Kaye.

Director

Jeremiah S. Chechik

Cast

Chevy Chase
Beverly D'Angelo
Juliette Lewis
Johnny Galecki
John Randolph
Randy Quaid

“I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed…”

FOUR CHRISTMASES

Film Title

Four Christmases

Synopsis

A couple we’d like to see divorce, visits all four of their divorced, entitled, boomer parents.

Director

Seth Gordon

Cast

Vince Vaughn, Reese Witherspoon, Robert Duvall, Sissy Spacek, Jon Voight, Jon Favreau, Mary Steenburgen, Dwight Yoakam, Tim McGraw

Twas the week before Christmas, and all through our house,
Not a brain cell was stirring, I felt like a louse.

MIRACLE ON 34TH STREET (1947)

Synopsis

Miracle on 34th Street is a timeless Christmas classic, a much-loved black and white film about the existence of Santa Claus and Christmas miracles.

Director

George Seaton

Cast

Maureen O'Hara
John Payne
Edmund Gwenn
Gene Lockhart
Natalie Wood

Miracle on 34th Street is a timeless Christmas classic, a much-loved black and white film about the existence of Santa Claus and Christmas miracles.

A CHRISTMAS STORY

Film Title

A Christmas Story

Synopsis

The eyes and tongues of children are removed during  the observance of ancient pagan rituals.

Director

Bob Clark

Cast

Melinda Dillon
Darren McGavin
Scott Schwartz
Jean Shepherd
Peter Billingsley

As much as I love the Scrooge classics, I must grudgingly admit that A Christmas Story is the greatest Christmas movie ever made.

CHRISTMAS WITH THE KRANKS

Film Title

Christmas With The Kranks

Synopsis

You’d better not pout, you’d better conform.

Director

Joe Roth

Cast

Tim Allen, Jamie Lee Curtis, Dan Aykroyd, M. Emmet Walsh, Cheech Marin, Jake Busey

A little eggnog with your Holocaust?

A CHRISTMAS CAROL

Celebrate or Die!

SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT

Film Title

Silent Night Deadly Night

Synopsis

An escaped mental patient dresses up as Santa and does what we all wish we could do at some point during the holidays.

Director

Charles E. Sellier Jr.

Cast

Lilyan Chauvin, Linnea Quigley, Robert Brian Wilson, Gilmer McCormick, Toni Nero

So its an interesting mix of the reactionary and the rebellious; a film that aims to scare the shit out of kids by making them think Santa is…

THE POLAR EXPRESS

Jonny is Jewish.

SURVIVING CHRISTMAS

Film Title

Surviving Christmas

Synopsis

A lonely, obnoxious young millionaire pays a family to spend Christmas with him.

Director

Mike Mitchell

Cast

Ben Affleck, Christina Applegate, James Gandolfini, Catherine O'Hara, Udo Kier

There is an iron-clad formula in the Christmas genre of cinema…

BAD SANTA

Film Title

Bad Santa

Synopsis

Depressive alcoholism, crime and Christmas converge in perhaps the best Christmas movie ever made.

Director

Terry Zwigoff

Cast

Billy Bob Thornton, Tony Cox, Brett Kelly, Lauren Graham, Bernie Mac, John Ritter, Alex Borstein

**UPDATE, October 2006: I hereby retract anything and everything negative I had to say about this movie…