Madison Rising: Music Review

It’s metal. For your mom.

Jingle All The Way Review

Synopsis

Christmas isn’t about material things. It’s about being willing to go to great lengths and to step on many people to acquire material things.

Director

Brian Levant

Cast

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sinbad, Phil Hartman, Rita Wilson, James Belushi, Jake Lloyd, Harvey Korman

Christmas isn’t about material things. It’s about being willing to go to great lengths and to step on many people to acquire material things.

Rush

Film Title

Rush

Synopsis

A film about unknown European race car drivers from 40 years ago somehow fails to be a boxoffice bonanza, although it is very good.

Director

Ron Howard

Cast

Daniel Brühl, Chris Hemsworth, Olivia Wilde, Alexandra Maria Lara, Pierfrancesco Favino

The 1976 racing season was in the middle of what has long been thought of as the golden age of F1, and at the heart of it were Hunt and Lauda, who had quickly become…

NFL Picks: Japanesey Edition

Not to mention, I don’t have any money to bet on football after spending my life savings on Pachinko while in Japan and now owing millions of yen to Yakuza loan sharks.

Ender’s Game- Film Review

Ender’s Game- Film Review   Fair Value of Ender’s Game: $11.50. It’s a cold sprinting synopsis of the book, but it still packs a solid cathartic impact in the resolution. Why Didn’t You Boycott Orson Scott Card? I sharply disagree with Card’s misogyny, homophobia, and religious conservatism. I can say the same thing for H. P. […]

Gravity

Film Title

Gravity (2013)

Synopsis

Female astronaut gathers the courage to survive a space disaster thanks to male astronaut’s appraisals of her preciousness. Really.

Director

Alfonso Cuarón

Cast

Sandra Bullock
George Clooney
The Mooninites

Not the most important thing in your life right now.

Thor 2: The Dark World

The entire universe is at threat of being converted into the dark matter Red Vines of doom, but nobody seems to care all that much. The characters are numb to the stakes, and that left me numb to the characters.

Forgotten Classics: The Swimmer (1968)

Film Title

The Swimmer

Synopsis

Burt dips his wicks in multiple suburban swimming pools on a warm summer’s day

Director

Frank Perry -Sydney Pollack

Cast

Burt Lancaster
Janet Languard
Janice Rule
Charles Drake
Marge Champion

Burt Lancaster, John Cheever, suburban ennui, and one extremely tight pair of swim trunks.

Fuck Movember

The premise is simple and alarmingly retarded in equal measure: grow a mustache, look like a Turkish rent-boy for a month and think you’re fighting cancer.

The Bling Ring Review

Film Title

The Bling Ring

Synopsis

Rich Kids vs. Common Sense

Director

Sofia Coppola

Cast

Israel Broussard, Katie Chang, Taissa Farmiga, Claire Julien, Georgia Rock, Emma Watson, Leslie Mann, Gavin Rossdale

Time for the guillotines.