If The Expendables was the final roar of a withered Tyrannosaurus Rex, Red 2 is more like a soft heave of breath as the dinosaur lays dying. Welcome to the decade of 100 male versions of Norma Desmond, all shot in bullet time. Welcome to the decade of geri-action.
Red 2 Movie Review – Welcome to the Age of Geriatric Action
July 21, 2013 by
Film Title
Red 2Synopsis
Retired CIA agents are accused of being nuclear terrorists. To avoid being killed, they must seek out a rogue nuke that was hidden in Moscow during the cold war.
Director
Dean ParisotCast
Bruce Willis
Mary-Louise Parker
John Malkovich
Helen Mirren
Sir Anthony Hopkins
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Byung-hun Lee
Brian Cox
Neal McDonough
British Junk Food: A User’s Guide
July 19, 2013 by
Amazing fact: The current commercial is about a busty MILF who lets her teenage son and his friends suckle on her teats. It got complaints.
Jack Reacher: Action Review
July 18, 2013 by
While he was doing memory exercises and push ups at the same time, we were watching football and masturbating at the same time. Now we join him in enjoying the fruits of his labor.
Pacific Rim Review
July 16, 2013 by
Film Title
Pacific RimSynopsis
ROAR
Director
Guillermo Del ToroCast
Idris Elba, some other people, a bunch of awesome giant monsters, Ron Perlman
Do people even watch the movies they review anymore?
Grown Ups 2: An Exploration of The Text
July 15, 2013 by
A work of emotional maturity and sober introspection that ranks among the greatest works regarding the intricacies of human nature, Adam Sandler’s Grown Ups 2 continues the essential examination of…
Cat People (1982 Schrader version)- Film Review
July 13, 2013 by
Synopsis
Orphaned Irena Gallier (Nastassia Kinski) is overjoyed to be re-united with her brother Paul (Malcolm McDowell) in New Orleans. She soon finds a job working at the zoo, and a love interest in the kind zoo-keeper Oliver Yates (John Heard). Unfortunately, her family history throws more than the usual complications into doing the horizontal tango…
Director
Paul SchraderCast
Nastassia Kinski
Malcolm McDowell
John Heard
Annette O'Toole
Ruby Dee
Ed Begley
Cat People (1982Schrader version) rated R for maiming, mauling, and oh so much nudity
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters Review
July 10, 2013 by
Synopsis
Trying Too Hard 101
Director
Tommy WirkolaCast
Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen
No.
WSOP: The Masses Descend On Vegas
July 10, 2013 by
Every year thousands of poker fools come to Vegas for The World Series of Poker. Its mildly annoying.
Despicable Me 2: Film Review
July 9, 2013 by
Synopsis
Jumping a shark tied to high-explosive rockets into an active volcano….
Director
Pierre Coffin, Chris RenaudCast
Steve Carell, Gru
Miranda Cosgrove, Margo
Kristen Wiig, Lucy Wilde
Homer Simpson, Poochie
The Twinkie minions are given center stage, and their combination of gibberish speech and bumbling infighting makes the film fun.
The Lone Ranger Review
July 5, 2013 by
The Lone Ranger (2013) Review: 149 minutes PG13 for scalping, cannibalism, skull crushing, decapitation, and genocide. The MPAA is a joke. A bloody, laughable farce. This film is proof that a PG-13 rating is completely meaningless. The villain cuts the heart out of a law enforcement officer, and eats it! Hundreds of Comanche get mowed […]
