Ruthless Preseason 3: Out of Luck Edition

This will only be my third season of writing at Ruthless. I am hardly an institution around here, not some grizzled veteran beat-writer type. Respectable, yes. Consistent, absolutely. Lust-inducing, sure, I get that all the time. But I’m not part of the furniture, nor some mythical Bob Considine supplemented with a chiseled physique and a […]

Don’t Let Go

Film Title

Don't Let Go

Synopsis

A murder mystery with the best cell phone coverage ever.

Director

Jacob Estes

Cast

David Oyelowo
Storm Reid
Mykelti Williamson
Alfred Molina
Brian Tyree Henry
Shinelle Azoroh

Or, you DIE, DIe, Die, die… I went into Don’t Let Go knowing nothing more than the title, a very brief plot summary on IMDb – “After a man’s family dies in what appears to be a murder, he gets a phone call from one of the dead, his niece. He’s not sure if she’s […]

Ruthless NFL 2019 Preseason Preview Part II: (She Gives) Great Helmet

This is complete bullshit. I am being forced to write this column under protest because the powers that be at Ruthlessco International Unlimited are forcing me to abandon my trusty Chromebook laptop after more than ten years of faithful service! Granted, it was responsible for the occasional inadvertent doublespace, thus mucking up the ASCII characters […]

Loss Prevention (2018)

Film Title

Loss Prevention (2018)

Synopsis

Lesbian attraction, Corporate America and Toothpaste

Director

Brian Cunningham Matt Niehoff

Cast

John Wells
Al Snow
Vernon Wells
Abisha Uhl
James Tackett
Wilson Conkawright
Lauren Albert
Mike Schrorerlucke
Katie Stewart

Here we have another low, low budget movie starring John Wells and Al Snow. However, I cannot go any further without mentioning another “Wells”. Vernon Wells. What? No, I’m not kidding you. Vernon Wells is in this movie as the evil CEO of R & P. The I don’t need the girl Vernon Wells in […]

Ruthless NFL 2019 Preseason Preview Featuring Detailed Hall Of Fame Game Breakdown!

Just kidding. It’s the Hall of Fame Game for Christ’s sake. You can’t – or, to be adamantly clear, you should not under any circumstances – gamble on it. Come on, you knew that already. You know where you are. We don’t suffer fools around here, gladly or otherwise. This is a gambling column. Don’t […]

Beginner’s Guide to Online Bingo

Online bingo is one of the world’s most famous past times, and for good reason. Not only is it an amazingly fun game to play, it’s remarkably easy to pick up too, with its simplicity being one of the key factors behind its continued success. While there are many experienced online bingo players out there, […]

The Angry Birds Movie 2

Film Title

The Angry Birds Movie 2

Synopsis

Bird crap.

Director

Thurop van Orman

Cast

Jason Sudeikis
Josh Gad
Danny McBride
Rachel Bloom
Leslie Jones
Bill Hader
Tiffany Haddish
Peter Dinklage

You recognize this film by the way it hits your windshield. A hallmark of a good PG movie is an ability to appeal to both kids and adults. Smart writing and mature jokes for the adults; smart writing, bright colors, and silliness for the kids. Pixar has mastered the art of blending all of those […]

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Film Title

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

Synopsis

Kids read from book and Guillermo del Toro punishes them.

Director

Andre Ovredal

Cast

Zoe Margaret Colletti
Michael Garza
Gabriel Rush
Austin Zajur
Austin Abrams
Natalie Ganzhorn
Dean Norris
Kathleen Pollard

A creepy throwback. I wonder what kind of childhood Guillermo del Toro had? The creatures that he comes up with for his movies and television shows suggest his childhood was…not good? Haunted? Disturbed? When I found out he was involved with the making of Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark, I immediately nixed the […]

The Kitchen

Film Title

The Kitchen

Synopsis

Protection racketeering is gender neutral.

Director

Andrea Berloff

Cast

Melissa McCarthy
Elisabeth Moss
Tiffany Haddish
Common
Margo Martindale
Domhnall Gleeson
Bill Camp

A woman’s place. The Kitchen might be one of my favorite cases for guessing what the movie is about when you only know the title. The Kitchen could be a spinoff of Downton Abbey. It could be a Bobby Flay documentary. It could be a horror film in which Gordon Ramsey murders the entire cast […]

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Film Title

Dora and the Lost City of Gold

Synopsis

Grown-up Dora is as annoying as little-kid Dora.

Director

James Bobin

Cast

Isabela Moner
Eva Longoria
Michael Pena
Jeff Wahlberg
Madeleine Madden
Nicholas Coombe
Eugenio Derbez

Gravity exists. I remember my son watching the Nickelodeon cartoon Dora the Explorer and that show got old quickly. I may or may not have wanted to close my head in the freezer after the thousandth time I heard “Swiper! No swiping!” Thankfully, he has moved on to other shows like Phineas and Ferb, which […]