NFL Picks: Japanesey Edition

Not to mention, I don’t have any money to bet on football after spending my life savings on Pachinko while in Japan and now owing millions of yen to Yakuza loan sharks.

Ender’s Game- Film Review

Ender’s Game- Film Review   Fair Value of Ender’s Game: $11.50. It’s a cold sprinting synopsis of the book, but it still packs a solid cathartic impact in the resolution. Why Didn’t You Boycott Orson Scott Card? I sharply disagree with Card’s misogyny, homophobia, and religious conservatism. I can say the same thing for H. P. […]

Gravity

Film Title

Gravity (2013)

Synopsis

Female astronaut gathers the courage to survive a space disaster thanks to male astronaut’s appraisals of her preciousness. Really.

Director

Alfonso Cuarón

Cast

Sandra Bullock
George Clooney
The Mooninites

Not the most important thing in your life right now.

Thor 2: The Dark World

The entire universe is at threat of being converted into the dark matter Red Vines of doom, but nobody seems to care all that much. The characters are numb to the stakes, and that left me numb to the characters.

Fuck Movember

The premise is simple and alarmingly retarded in equal measure: grow a mustache, look like a Turkish rent-boy for a month and think you’re fighting cancer.

The Bling Ring Review

Film Title

The Bling Ring

Synopsis

Rich Kids vs. Common Sense

Director

Sofia Coppola

Cast

Israel Broussard, Katie Chang, Taissa Farmiga, Claire Julien, Georgia Rock, Emma Watson, Leslie Mann, Gavin Rossdale

Time for the guillotines.

80s Horror- Return of the Living Dead

Nineteen noggins get gnawed upon. One of the best horror comedies of the 1980s.

Exit The Transformer- an Obituary for Lou Reed

I could reckon an existence of God if I thought God to be like the icon of Lou: omniscient but too hip to ever intervene. Give me a Velvet Underground afterworld.

L. Ron Mexico’s NBA 2013-2014 Season Preview

“Well, that James Harden trade was a clear victory for the Thunder,” said Senator Ted Cruz.

Captain Phillips- Film Review

Capitalism makes dogs of us all. One of these men has to crumble, and it’s not going to be the one with a navy SEAL team manning his decks.