Quigley Down Under: Classic Western

A real American hero with an Old West version of a sniper rifle takes on the great grandfather of Hans Gruber and becomes the white savior of the Australian aboriginal, all while…

Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor

Holy shit, Brandy has AIDS!

Red 2 Movie Review – Welcome to the Age of Geriatric Action

Film Title

Red 2

Synopsis

Retired CIA agents are accused of being nuclear terrorists. To avoid being killed, they must seek out a rogue nuke that was hidden in Moscow during the cold war.

Director

Dean Parisot

Cast

Bruce Willis
Mary-Louise Parker
John Malkovich
Helen Mirren
Sir Anthony Hopkins
Catherine Zeta-Jones
Byung-hun Lee
Brian Cox
Neal McDonough

If The Expendables was the final roar of a withered Tyrannosaurus Rex, Red 2 is more like a soft heave of breath as the dinosaur lays dying. Welcome to the decade of 100 male versions of Norma Desmond, all shot in bullet time. Welcome to the decade of geri-action.

British Junk Food: A User’s Guide

Amazing fact: The current commercial is about a busty MILF who lets her teenage son and his friends suckle on her teats. It got complaints.

Jack Reacher: Action Review

While he was doing memory exercises and push ups at the same time, we were watching football and masturbating at the same time. Now we join him in enjoying the fruits of his labor.

Pacific Rim Review

Film Title

Pacific Rim

Synopsis

ROAR

Director

Guillermo Del Toro

Cast

Idris Elba, some other people, a bunch of awesome giant monsters, Ron Perlman

Do people even watch the movies they review anymore?

Grown Ups 2: An Exploration of The Text

A work of emotional maturity and sober introspection that ranks among the greatest works regarding the intricacies of human nature, Adam Sandler’s Grown Ups 2 continues the essential examination of…

Cat People (1982 Schrader version)- Film Review

Synopsis

Orphaned Irena Gallier (Nastassia Kinski) is overjoyed to be re-united with her brother Paul (Malcolm McDowell) in New Orleans. She soon finds a job working at the zoo, and a love interest in the kind zoo-keeper Oliver Yates (John Heard). Unfortunately, her family history throws more than the usual complications into doing the horizontal tango…

Director

Paul Schrader

Cast

Nastassia Kinski
Malcolm McDowell
John Heard
Annette O'Toole
Ruby Dee
Ed Begley

Cat People (1982Schrader version) rated R for maiming, mauling, and oh so much nudity

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters Review

Synopsis

Trying Too Hard 101

Director

Tommy Wirkola

Cast

Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton, Famke Janssen

No.

WSOP: The Masses Descend On Vegas

Every year thousands of poker fools come to Vegas for The World Series of Poker. Its mildly annoying.