NFL Preseason: The corn is not even in yet Edition

NFL Preseason: The corn is not even in yet Edition Ladies and gentlemen, I am emphatically thrilled to inform you that I spy, with my bloodshot eye, American football on my television! My East Coast weather vacillates between sweltering heat and flash floods, body-cammed cops can apparently plant dope on you or shoot flashbangs at […]

BlacKkKlansman (2018)

Film Title

BlacKkKlansman (2018)

Synopsis

Oh, Brother, Where Art Thou?

Director

Spike Lee

Cast

Alec Baldwin
Adam Driver
John David Washington
Laura Harrier
Harry Belafonte

2 hours 15 minutes, Rated R for bombings and lynchings. Fair Value of BlacKkKlansman (2018): $12.00. Its the first film I’ve seen this summer worthy of a Best Picture nomination. Invisible Empire: Racism is the central ideology of the American Empire. I know you’re going to throw democracy and liberty in my face- but that’s […]

The Meg

Film Title

The Meg

Synopsis

Sharkalodonado.

Director

Jon Turteltaub

Cast

Jason Statham
Li Bingbing
Rainn Wilson
Cliff Curtis
Winston Chao
Ruby Rose

I’m meltiiiiinnnnngggg. Am I a bad parent for taking my six year-old to see The Meg? Maybe. In my defense, he really, REALLY wanted to see it. I am not saying it is a good defense, just a defense that is slightly more effective than that of the Cleveland Browns. Hi Clevelanders. At some point, […]

First Reformed

Film Title

First Reformed

Synopsis

The Pastor of a small, historical church slowly loses his sanity because of past ghosts and current events.

Director

Paul Schrader

Cast

Ethan Hawke
Samantha Ceyfried
Cedric The Entertainer
Michael Gaston
Victoria Hill
Van Hansis

First Reformed Throughout my long and unspectacular career with Ruthless, I have taken great glee in skewering and ridiculing religious-themed movies. Sometimes because they are so transparent and bad, like in The Case For Christ. Other times because they reveal the utter bankruptcy and cruelty of their associated superstitions (The Breadwinner). First Reformed is another […]

The Neon Demon

Film Title

The Neon Demon

Synopsis

Jess is an aspiring actress who makes her move on Los Angeles

Director

Nicholas Winding Refn

Cast

Elle Fanning
Carl Glusman
Jena Malone
Bella Heathcote
Abbey Lee
Desmond Harrington

Coming from the position of not knowing his earlier output, this take might be limited but better to have tried and failed, right? Nicolas Winding Refn occupies a unique place among active filmmakers, but also a precarious one. Revered without being critic-proof, his films decidedly garner polarizing sentiment. As a whole his later filmography forms […]

Christopher Robin

Film Title

Christopher Robin

Synopsis

Winnie-the-Pooh and Hook too.

Director

Marc Forster

Cast

Ewan McGregor
Hayley Atwell
Bronte Carmichael
Mark Gatiss

Rufio-o-o-o-o! If I saw a kid carrying a bunch of stuffed animals and those stuffed animals were talking, I might raise an eyebrow as I walked by. It is 2018 – a talking toy of any sort is commonplace. However, if it were 1948, I might follow the kid home, then find a priest to […]

Mission Impossible Six: Fallout

Film Title

Mission Impossible Six: Fallout

Synopsis

Bad guys have stolen a nuke, blah blah blah. Want to destroy civilization, blah blah. Your mission, blee blo. Rag-tag team of misfits, scoodily poopy rum tum tum.



Cast

Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt, Super-Generic
Henry Cavill as American Dad
Rebecca Ferguson as Black Widow
Ving Rhames as Wise and Experience Black Man
Simon Pegg as comic relief
Angela Bassett as sinister CIA red herring
Sean Harris as The Unabomber.
Vanessa Kirby as Misplaced Bond Girl.

Mission Impossible Six: Fallout 2 hours 27 minutes, PG-13 for boiling coolant to the face. Fair Value of This Film: $3.00. Some good stunt work, but nothing really sets this film apart from the franchise. As generic as a Honda Accord. I saw this film twenty minutes ago and I’m already starting to forget it. […]

The Equalizer 2

Film Title

The Equalizer 2

Synopsis

Denzel kills people in far less interesting ways than last time.

Director

Antoine Fuqua

Cast

Denzel Washington
Pedro Pascal
Melissa Leo
Ashton Sanders
Bill Pullman

Discount Batman. After having just watch the MLB All-Star game, my mind was focused on trivial facts. Baseball is full of them. One running joke in my house is whenever my wife overhears a baseball announcer rambling about some statistic, she will add on something like “during day games on a Tuesday in leap years.” […]

Skyscraper

Film Title

Skyscraper

Synopsis

Stupid Die Hard.

Director

Rawson Marshall Thurber

Cast

Dwayne Johnson
Neve Campbell
Pablo Schreiber
Byron Mann
Chin Han
Tzi Ma
Hannah Quinlivan
Roland Moller
McKenna Roberts
Noah Taylor

It wasn’t me. It was the one-legged man. “It is good to see the Chinese are embracing the shittiest aspects of American cinema, just like us Americans.” – Me, minutes after the conclusion of Skyscraper. Before you start furiously typing a comment about how Skyscraper is not meant to be an Oscar winner, I know. […]

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Film Title

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Synopsis

Wasp shows Ant-Man how to kick some quantum ass.

Director

Peyton Reed

Cast

Paul Rudd
Evangeline Lilly
Hannah John-Kamen
Michael Douglas
Michelle Pfeiffer
Laurence Fishburne
Walton Goggins
Michael Pena
Judy Greer
Bobby Cannavale
Abby Ryder Forston

Back to the future. With the box office disappointment of Solo: A Star Wars Story, Disney executives are freaking out. Star Wars has reliably been a billion-dollar-per-movie enterprise since Disney purchased Lucasfilm, and anything less is the equivalent of the New England Patriots failing to win the Super Bowl. In other words, completely unacceptable. Heads […]