Christopher Robin

Film Title

Christopher Robin

Synopsis

Winnie-the-Pooh and Hook too.

Director

Marc Forster

Cast

Ewan McGregor
Hayley Atwell
Bronte Carmichael
Mark Gatiss

Rufio-o-o-o-o! If I saw a kid carrying a bunch of stuffed animals and those stuffed animals were talking, I might raise an eyebrow as I walked by. It is 2018 – a talking toy of any sort is commonplace. However, if it were 1948, I might follow the kid home, then find a priest to […]

Mission Impossible Six: Fallout

Film Title

Mission Impossible Six: Fallout

Synopsis

Bad guys have stolen a nuke, blah blah blah. Want to destroy civilization, blah blah. Your mission, blee blo. Rag-tag team of misfits, scoodily poopy rum tum tum.



Cast

Tom Cruise as Ethan Hunt, Super-Generic
Henry Cavill as American Dad
Rebecca Ferguson as Black Widow
Ving Rhames as Wise and Experience Black Man
Simon Pegg as comic relief
Angela Bassett as sinister CIA red herring
Sean Harris as The Unabomber.
Vanessa Kirby as Misplaced Bond Girl.

Mission Impossible Six: Fallout 2 hours 27 minutes, PG-13 for boiling coolant to the face. Fair Value of This Film: $3.00. Some good stunt work, but nothing really sets this film apart from the franchise. As generic as a Honda Accord. I saw this film twenty minutes ago and I’m already starting to forget it. […]

The Equalizer 2

Film Title

The Equalizer 2

Synopsis

Denzel kills people in far less interesting ways than last time.

Director

Antoine Fuqua

Cast

Denzel Washington
Pedro Pascal
Melissa Leo
Ashton Sanders
Bill Pullman

Discount Batman. After having just watch the MLB All-Star game, my mind was focused on trivial facts. Baseball is full of them. One running joke in my house is whenever my wife overhears a baseball announcer rambling about some statistic, she will add on something like “during day games on a Tuesday in leap years.” […]

Skyscraper

Film Title

Skyscraper

Synopsis

Stupid Die Hard.

Director

Rawson Marshall Thurber

Cast

Dwayne Johnson
Neve Campbell
Pablo Schreiber
Byron Mann
Chin Han
Tzi Ma
Hannah Quinlivan
Roland Moller
McKenna Roberts
Noah Taylor

It wasn’t me. It was the one-legged man. “It is good to see the Chinese are embracing the shittiest aspects of American cinema, just like us Americans.” – Me, minutes after the conclusion of Skyscraper. Before you start furiously typing a comment about how Skyscraper is not meant to be an Oscar winner, I know. […]

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Film Title

Ant-Man and the Wasp

Synopsis

Wasp shows Ant-Man how to kick some quantum ass.

Director

Peyton Reed

Cast

Paul Rudd
Evangeline Lilly
Hannah John-Kamen
Michael Douglas
Michelle Pfeiffer
Laurence Fishburne
Walton Goggins
Michael Pena
Judy Greer
Bobby Cannavale
Abby Ryder Forston

Back to the future. With the box office disappointment of Solo: A Star Wars Story, Disney executives are freaking out. Star Wars has reliably been a billion-dollar-per-movie enterprise since Disney purchased Lucasfilm, and anything less is the equivalent of the New England Patriots failing to win the Super Bowl. In other words, completely unacceptable. Heads […]

Sicario: Day of the Soldado

Film Title

Sicario: Day of the Soldado

Synopsis

Does anyone even remember what a Sicario is?

Director

Stefano Sollima

Cast

Josh Brolin
Benicio del Toro
Isabela Moner
Catherine Keener
Jeffrey Donovan
Matthew Modine
Manuel Garcia-Rulfo
Elijah Rodriguez

Whistling at dogs. Note to readers: I have tried to keep politics out of my movie reviews, but when viewing Sicario: Day of the Soldado, the film’s politics are impossible to ignore given recent events. Thus, it is impossible not to write about politics here. A list of current events in the United States includes: […]

Libertarians of the World, Unite

We are well aware of the libertarian approach to life in general: get the government off our backs and people will unite to effect civilizational progress. There are three basic difficulties with this approach. First, it assumes that people working together will unite for the common good instead of for the good of those so […]

Worst Gaming Genre Examples in Modern History

One of the best things about modern gaming is the sheer variety on offer. If you can imagine it, you can probably play it, for better or worse. Part of this is due to the lower barriers to entry which have occurred because of better creation tools, and a healthier development infrastructure, and part of […]

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Film Title

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Synopsis

This time we light the bird’s ancestors on fire

Director

J.A. Bayona

Cast

Chris Pratt
Bryce Dallas Howard
Rafe Spall
James Cromwell
Ted Levine
Justice Smith
Daniella Pineda
Toby Jones
Jeff Goldblum
BD Wong
Isabella Sermon

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is 2 hrs 8 minutes, PG-13 for maiming and people get used as chew toys Basic Concept: Jurassic Park, except this time we light the dinosaurs on fire. What? There’s a volcano erupting on the Jurassic Park island, and so, you have a lot of stampeding dinosaurs that may also be […]

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Film Title

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

Synopsis

Finding news way to suck the fun out of dinosaurs.

Director

J.A. Bayona

Cast

Chris Pratt
Bryce Dallas Howard
Rafe Spall
James Cromwell
Ted Levine
Justice Smith
Daniella Pineda
Toby Jones
Jeff Goldblum
BD Wong
Isabella Sermon

How to train your dinosaur (or, A steaming pile). “I am never mad at the end of movies. All I wanted from this movie was to be entertained and it could not even do that. And, I liked A Wrinkle in Time. Well, at least until I started thinking about it.” – My friend, after […]