Why Bad Tippers Deserve Horrible Deaths

If you do not tip, or if you tip substantially less than social norms dictate, you deserve to be drowned in a cauldron of boiling vomit. You are the worst. A dictator who cleansed the earth of bad tippers would be remembered as a hero for a hundred generations. The argument for tipping is pretty […]

The ABCs OF CHRISTMAS

Please check out our always respectful and reverent Christmas Reviews Alcohol– Face it, whether it be the vilest Kosher Wine, Grandmas 90 proof eggnog or just the familiar handle of Jack Daniels, you cannot get through this period without it. Besides, its the biggest holiday of the year, so you can get hammered with a […]

7 True Crimes That Deserve To Be Ripped From The Headlines

The greatest true crime TV episodes never made.

Why Liberals Will Never Win The Gun Control Debate

For many gun owners, gun control isn’t a debate. It’s a threat, yet the left insists upon having this conversation after every mass shooting. Gun control advocates need to understand how these people see themselves, what role guns play in their lives, and how they view the world. At times, they teeter between shrieking cowards […]

The ABCs of Gambling

Asians love to gamble. Of all the racial stereotypes floating around, this is the most resoundingly true. Unless you spend a lot of time around gambling…

E3 2015: A GODDAMN SLOBBERKNOCKER

E3 2015: A GODAMN SLOBBERKNOCKER “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, STOP THE DAMN TRADE SHOW!” Hear ye, hear ye! Now comes the time for Electronic Entertainment Expo XXI, the 21st yearly celebration of marketing hyperbole, awkward stage presentations, and crazy ambitious promises (that companies will never be able to keep). Dates: June 16-18, 2015 Main Event: Facebook/Oculus […]

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly of Americana

Goat at House on the Rock As many of you know, I just completed a nice road trip, a 2,000 mile journey through Wyoming, South Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa and Nebraska. According to the world of Matt Cale there is no bad Americana, but I beg to differ. I present, the Good, the Bad, and […]

Language of the Unheard

The original article can be viewed on Patheos here By now, almost everyone is acquainted with the story of Freddie Gray’s inexcusable death, a mysterious occurrence that took place while Gray was in custody of Baltimore police. This tragedy– a word I’ve grown weary of reciting but is nonetheless applicable– sadly adds to the ever-burgeoning […]

THE ABCs OF BBQ-Smoking the meat edition

VERSES OF BBQ Salvations 1:1 Verily,verily I say unto thee, an open flame shall not touch thy cooking flesh or thine days will be numbered before you are cast into the lake of ire. Goatesians 1:2-4 The only way to the BBQ is with the meat. It is blasphemous and very naughty in my wholly […]

The Top 10 Most Outrageous YouTube Eating Channels

YouTube. The Morphine Drip of the Internet. The Alpha and the Omega, the amazon dot com of anything and everything, you will find it there. I know that this list leaves off things like Epic Meal Time and other worthy dumpsters for the eyeballs, but too bad, it is what it is. It is just […]