A hundred years ago the gentleman detective in the form of Philo Vance was extremely popular. The crimes he solved tended to be artificial and complex. The hard-boiled detective in the form of Sam Spade and the Continental Op were a reaction to this artificiality. Raymond Chandler wrote The Simple Art of Murder in reaction). […]

Scorsese’s cinematic partnership with De Niro is among the most legendary of the twentieth century, hemorrhaging up blood-soaked classics like Taxi Driver and Goodfellas. It wasn’t all plain slaying, though. Just take a look at the headache-inducing musical New York, New York in which De Niro argues nonstop with Liza Minnelli. Then there’s the redundant, […]

Some people think Die Hard is a Christmas movie and I’m not here to contradict them though it’s in my every bone to do so, it’s Christmas, we should get along, somebody somewhere invented the idea that it was rude to ask these people exactly what the analytical criteria for a Christmas movie might be, […]

Movie: Avalanche (1978) “I always thought survival meant being king of the mountain.” Avalanche (1978) Preamble: Given the title, can you work out what’s gonna happen? Control freak and shady businessman Rock Hudson, who looks gayer with each passing scene, is busy doing his best to resemble Kim Jong-il’s puppet in Team America: World Police. […]

Movie: Airport (1975) “You mean, the stewardess is flying the plane?!” Airport 1975 Preamble: Heart attacks regularly pop up in disaster flicks. They’re convenient, can happen at any stress-related time, and are cheap to film. Here a bloke flying a light aircraft is having ticker trouble. Seconds later his twin-engine motorized gnat crashed into a […]

Being an ex-teacher, I naturally hate kids. For almost four years I had to endure their relentless energy, selfishness, demands, spite and mediocrity, leaving me with the impression that the average child shares a lot in common with a small, intoxicated, unruly visitor from outer space. Think of a half-cut E.T. kicking your shins and […]

There’s a famous old Peter Cook and Dudley Moore sketch in which a one-legged actor auditions for Tarzan. The casting agent can’t believe what he’s being confronted with (“I’ve got nothing against your right leg. The trouble is, neither have you”) while the disabled actor remains oblivious to his chances of snagging the athletic role. […]

There’s a terrific scene in The Terminator when Arnie strides into a nightclub looking for Sarah Connor. A bouncer tries to stop him by slapping a hand on his shoulder, but our futuristic hit man doesn’t even bother looking around. Instead, he grabs the offending limb and gives the fool a taste of his cybernetic […]