Ruthless NFL 2019 Preseason Preview Part II: (She Gives) Great Helmet

This is complete bullshit. I am being forced to write this column under protest because the powers that be at Ruthlessco International Unlimited are forcing me to abandon my trusty Chromebook laptop after more than ten years of faithful service! Granted, it was responsible for the occasional inadvertent doublespace, thus mucking up the ASCII characters […]

Ruthless NFL 2019 Preseason Preview Featuring Detailed Hall Of Fame Game Breakdown!

Just kidding. It’s the Hall of Fame Game for Christ’s sake. You can’t – or, to be adamantly clear, you should not under any circumstances – gamble on it. Come on, you knew that already. You know where you are. We don’t suffer fools around here, gladly or otherwise. This is a gambling column. Don’t […]

The Lakers are going to suck for a long time

Hurray! The Lakers Suck and Will for the Foreseeable Future “I see your hair is burning. Hills are filled with fire.” LA is a dumpster fire right now, and I can’t decide what will act as more of continued accelerant that keeps the flames riding high, the franchise owners and management, or LeBron James? As […]

Super Bowl LIII: Ruthless Edition

This is it, gang. I hereby cast before you all of the marbles. Every single marble. Even if you don’t play marbles. You’re getting the column relatively early, for me anyway, and you’re getting two picks. I can concede that we won’t get the best lines possible, but I’ve been following all week. Reason being […]

Superheros, Baseball, and American Values

With the inevitable cancellation of Netflix’s The Punisher looming over fans of the gritty Marvel series, I’d like to take this time to talk about the real reason the streaming network is canning the entire Marvel Universe. It has nothing to do with pressure from Disney, and everything to do with American values. Last year, […]

NFL Conference Championship Round

SPONSORED CONTENT WARNING: This week’s Ruthless NFL column is brought to you by #HotChicksForRuthlessNFLColumnists, a totally organic and grassroots movement by and for sexy ladies that is not, in any way, a hilariously inept attempt for a doughy, muttering, unshaven, easily distractible lawyer from New York City to cop a side piece over the internet. […]

NFL 2018 Divisonal Round

An angrier man would spit out some sort of ALL CAPS excoriation of the goofy ending to the Cowboys-Seahawks game, wherein a freak injury to a 40-year-old professional football player who we had just backhandedly complimented knocked down a domino that tumbled a set of circumstances leading to Seattle being forced to go for two, […]

NFL Playoffs: 2018 Wildcard Edition

If people are upset with that lady from Michigan calling Trump a motherfucker, they must not get out much, and they damn sure don’t read this publication. I think if anyone should be mad, it would be Dan Savage, who rebranded his old catchphrase DTMFA, an acronym for dump the motherfucker already, into ITMFA, and […]

NFL Week 17

Not going to spend my time writing an elegy for the career of Jon Jones, or rather, what Jon Jones could have been. Part of me wants to. Part of me remembers what Jon Jones was, who Jon Jones was, back when he was begging the referee to make him stop battering his opponent, a […]

NFL Week 16: Why Is This Man Not Laughing Edition

I have a legitimate theory that sounds sort of crackpot-adjacent, but everything lines up upon close examination, and I am going to share it with you now: Miley Cyrus ended the U.S. occupation of Syria. No no no wait wait wait it’s a really good theory, for real.   It all makes sense and checks […]