Breaking News: Tom Benson Dead as of July of 2012

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Tom Benson Dead: Heirs have been faking his life for almost three years.

Week 16 NFL Picks: Saturday Night Thursday Night Football Is a Dumb Name Edition

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WEEK 15 RECORD DAN K: 2-1 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:  2-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 16-22-2 ESPO:  20-18-2 DICK:  20-18-2 ESPO ATLANTA FALCONS +6.5 AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS The NFC South is a smoking crater. Seriously, what a joke. Who can make anything of any of these teams? All the way back in Week 1, when […]

Week 15 NFL Picks – Cammy Cam Car Crash Edition

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WEEK 14 RECORD DAN K: 1-1-1 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:  1-1-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 14-21-2 ESPO:  18-17-2 DICK:  18-17-2 ESPO MIAMI DOLPHINS +7.5 AT NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS On September 7th, I invited my Dolphins fan buddy over for our first matchup in the first week of the brand new NFL season. Fresh, and full of […]

Week 14 NFL Picks – Dead Man Coaching Edition

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WEEK 12 RECORD DAN K: 0-3 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:  1-2 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 13-20-1 ESPO:  16-16-2 DICK:  17-16-1 DAN K HOUSTON TEXANS -5 AT JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS   JJ Fuckin’ Watt. Like, I know Aaron Rodgers is having a monster season, but you could make a serious case for Watt as the league MVP. The […]

Week 12 NFL Picks – Division Champ With 5 Wins Edition

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WEEK 11 RECORD DAN K: 1-2 ESPO: 2-1 DICK: 3-0 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 13-17-1 ESPO:  14-15-2 DICK:  16-14-1 ESPO CLEVELAND BROWNS +3 AT ATLANTA FALCONS Interesting little inter-conference matchup here. The Browns are trying to keep pace in their ridiculously competitive division, where they and the Ravens are 6-4, the Steelers are 7-4, and […]

Week 11 Football Picks – Abolish Elections, Hail Gamblor Edition

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WEEK 10 RECORD DAN K: 2-1 ESPO: 2-1 DICK: 1-2 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 12-15-1 ESPO:  12-14-2 DICK:  13-14-1 DAN K CINCINNATI BENGALS +7 AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS That Saints game last was week what we in the gambling business call “utter fuckshit.” Nothing like a crazy backdoor cover on a Hail Mary ruined by […]

Week 10 NFL Picks – Back to Work Edition

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WEEK 8 RECORD:DAN K: 0-3 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:    2-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 10-14-1 ESPO:  10-13-2 DICK:    12-12-1 ESPOSAN FRANCISCO 49ers +5 AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS   One of my favorite parts of my Mexican vacation was getting unceremoniously eliminated from my survivor league by my least favorite team, the San Francisco 49ers. See, I […]

Week 8 NFL Picks – Minimal Ebola Jokes Edition

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WEEK 7 RECORD:DAN K: 1-2 ESPO: 3-0 DICK: 1-2 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 10-12-1 ESPO: 8-12-2 DICK: 10-12-1 ESPO   ST LOUIS RAMS +7 AT KANSAS CITY CHIEFS Last week, the Rams SHOCKED THE WORLD! by upsetting the favored Seattle Seahawks at home, continuing the stunning run of competence in the Missouri sports world, second […]

Week 7 Football Picks – These Bettors Are Making Me Queasy Edition

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WEEK 6 RECORD: DAN K: 2-0-1 ESPO: 1-1-1 DICK: 2-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 9-9-1 ESPO: 5-12-2 DICK: 9-9-1 ESPO MIAMI DOLPHINS +3 AT CHICAGO BEARS I feel like I’ve been writing about the Dolphins a little too much for my taste this year, but something about them keeps bringing me back to the well. […]

Week 6 NFL Picks – May Have Done a Little Gambling Edition

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People say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing but expecting different results. They can go fuck themselves. If I keep opening the refrigerator door, EVENTUALLY I am going to find some new food in there! It’s just science. I would submit that the definition of insanity is picking the Jacksonville Jaguars to cover the spread EVERY WEEK in my pick ‘em league, like I did.