Week 5 NFL Picks – Every QB is Injured Edition

The Tom Brady Fuck You tour flies their Pimp Jet into Dallas this Sunday, for a showdown with Jerry Jones at his gaudy, glittery fuck palace.

Week 1 Football Picks – De FlaterMass Edition

As we’re all aware, Chip Kelly got drunk as a fuckin skunk this offseason and went Madden 16 all over the fucking place on this team. He traded Shady McCoy for Kiko Alonso, because he is a racist.

DFS Football fundamentals

It seems daily fantasy football remains beatable for only this reason. Any asshole can search for daily fantasy football strategy, like you probably just did. But most wont, or they’ll find the information but then ignore it. They want to pretend that they know that Tom Brady will be especially fired up because of deflategate, […]

Breaking News: Tom Benson Dead as of July of 2012

Tom Benson Dead: Heirs have been faking his life for almost three years.

Week 16 NFL Picks: Saturday Night Thursday Night Football Is a Dumb Name Edition

WEEK 15 RECORD DAN K: 2-1 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:  2-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 16-22-2 ESPO:  20-18-2 DICK:  20-18-2 ESPO ATLANTA FALCONS +6.5 AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS The NFC South is a smoking crater. Seriously, what a joke. Who can make anything of any of these teams? All the way back in Week 1, when […]

Week 15 NFL Picks – Cammy Cam Car Crash Edition

WEEK 14 RECORD DAN K: 1-1-1 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:  1-1-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 14-21-2 ESPO:  18-17-2 DICK:  18-17-2 ESPO MIAMI DOLPHINS +7.5 AT NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS On September 7th, I invited my Dolphins fan buddy over for our first matchup in the first week of the brand new NFL season. Fresh, and full of […]

Week 14 NFL Picks – Dead Man Coaching Edition

WEEK 12 RECORD DAN K: 0-3 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:  1-2 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 13-20-1 ESPO:  16-16-2 DICK:  17-16-1 DAN K HOUSTON TEXANS -5 AT JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS   JJ Fuckin’ Watt. Like, I know Aaron Rodgers is having a monster season, but you could make a serious case for Watt as the league MVP. The […]

Week 12 NFL Picks – Division Champ With 5 Wins Edition

WEEK 11 RECORD DAN K: 1-2 ESPO: 2-1 DICK: 3-0 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 13-17-1 ESPO:  14-15-2 DICK:  16-14-1 ESPO CLEVELAND BROWNS +3 AT ATLANTA FALCONS Interesting little inter-conference matchup here. The Browns are trying to keep pace in their ridiculously competitive division, where they and the Ravens are 6-4, the Steelers are 7-4, and […]

Week 11 Football Picks – Abolish Elections, Hail Gamblor Edition

WEEK 10 RECORD DAN K: 2-1 ESPO: 2-1 DICK: 1-2 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 12-15-1 ESPO:  12-14-2 DICK:  13-14-1 DAN K CINCINNATI BENGALS +7 AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS That Saints game last was week what we in the gambling business call “utter fuckshit.” Nothing like a crazy backdoor cover on a Hail Mary ruined by […]

Week 10 NFL Picks – Back to Work Edition

WEEK 8 RECORD:DAN K: 0-3 ESPO:  2-1 DICK:    2-1 SEASON RECORD: DAN K: 10-14-1 ESPO:  10-13-2 DICK:    12-12-1 ESPOSAN FRANCISCO 49ers +5 AT NEW ORLEANS SAINTS   One of my favorite parts of my Mexican vacation was getting unceremoniously eliminated from my survivor league by my least favorite team, the San Francisco 49ers. See, I […]