As another glorious season of NFL looms, so stirs the work productivity vampire known as Fantasy Football.

2007 Football Awards

I don’t root for Barry Bonds because I like him; I root for him because I admire him.

The irony in all of this is that every Saturday afternoon in the fall, Los Angeles tells the NFL to go fuck itself.

The strongest homosexual impulses of my life have come with surging desires to rape him just to put him in his place.

However, the very scribes and arbiters of greatness who praised McGwire not 10 years ago for helping to save…

Ben Roethlisberger, You’re the man in Pittsburgh. Women wielding cheese fries and Iron City Beer want fuck you in their front yards.

Generally speaking, Jesus freaks love publicity. They take to it like gay guys at the club take to amyl-nitrates, cocaine and anonymous sex in the bathroom.

Teams like the Lions, Texans, Vikings, Rams and Bills consistently fuck up their drafts because they think they have some magical ability to see something on film that no one else sees.