Beetlejuice (1988)

Film Title

Beetlejuice

Synopsis

A New England couple is dismayed to find death more complicated and chaotic than life.

Director

Tim Burton

Cast

Alec Baldwin
Geena Davis
Michael Keaton
Winona Ryder
Jeffrey Jones
Catherine O'Hara
Glenn Shadix
Sylvia Sydney

Beetlejuice is a wildly outrageous film made by the great Tim Burton. This is a film that demands multiple viewings to be fully appreciated. Beetlejuice was initially supposed to be a horror movie, but the performances by Michael Keaton as the unhinged bio-exorcist, the unfortunate dead couple, Adam and Barbara, and the whacky trio that […]

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Film Title

Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!

Synopsis

Giant sharks again fill this air. This time from Washington D.C. to Orlando Florida

Director

Anthony C. Ferrante

Cast

Ian Ziering
Tara Reid
Mark Cuban
Bo Derek
David Hasselhoff
Ann Coulter

Reviewing any Sharknado movie is an exercise in utter chaos, so for this deep dive (I am truly sorry for the pun) into Sharknado 3: Oh Hell No!, I will basically just be transcribing my frenzied, disbelieving notes, but cleaned up and tweaked into coherent sentences and paragraphs. Or so I hope. I’ve seen three […]

The Northman

Film Title

The Northman

Synopsis

A Robert Eggers Viking Epic

Director

Robert Eggers

Cast

Alexander Skarsgard
Nicole Kidman
Willem DaFoe
Claes Bang
Ethan Hawke
Anya Taylor-Joy
Gustav Lindh

The Northman – Alexander Skarsgard is tight. My main goal in writing film reviews is to entertain you while I tell you about a movie. While I can’t even sniff the same comedic galaxy as Pitch Meeting or Honest Trailers, I do my best to come up with jokes to make your read slightly less […]

Commando

Film Title

Commando

Synopsis

Meet Arnie. He eats Green Berets for breakfast.

Director

Mark L. Lester

Cast

Arnold Schwarzenegger
Rae Dawn Chong
Alyssa Milano
Vernon Wells
Dan Hedaya
Bill Duke
David Patrick Kelley

If you’re the sort of guy who dresses his semi-automatic rifle in a see-through negligee just before beddy-byes and snuggles up tight while dreaming about his erect penis turning into the aforementioned weapon and walking butt-naked down the street spraying cock bullets at all those other puny men, then Commando is the one for you. […]

Ambulance

Film Title

Ambulance

Synopsis

An ambulance in La-La Land

Director

Michael Bay

Cast

Jake Gyllenhaal
Yahya Abdul-Mateen II
Eiza Gonzalez
Garret Dillahunt
Jackson White

“Ambulance” – La-La-Land. It shouldn’t take long into a viewing of Ambulance for you to realize you’re getting a movie that had approximately three minutes of thought put into its screenplay. For reasons that make absolutely no sense, the title highlights the “LA” part, as if it matters even a tiny bit what city this […]

Nosferatu (1922)

Film Title

Nosferatu

Synopsis

The first real vampire movie ever made is still terrifying

Director

F.W. Murnau

Cast

Max Schreck
Alexander Granach
Gustav von Wagenheim
Greta Schroder
George H. Schnell

It has now been a century since the release of the first real vampire movie, F.W. Murnau’s somewhat loose adaptation of Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel Dracula. In Nosferatu: A Symphony of Horror, the names of characters were changed, along with many plot details, and still there was a lawsuit brought by Stoker’s heirs, and a […]

The Mask (1994)

Film Title

The Mask

Synopsis

A supernatural mask turns a bank clerk into a bizarre Super Hero

Director

Chuck Russell

Cast

Jim Carrey
Cameron Diaz
Peter Riegert
Peter Greene
Amy Yasbeck
Richard Jeni

It is over-stating the obvious that actor Jim Carrey is an acquired taste. He has a legion of fans that adore him and probably an equal number that find him as annoying as Forrest Gump. Love him or hate him, it cannot be denied that Jim Carrey has some serious, unique talent. Carrey has starred […]

Creepy Shit

I s’pose there’s only one time I had the shit creeped outta me. Granddad was in a nursing home and one night we got the call that he was on the way out. I went with dad and sat in a room as death came to play. Granddad was wired, unaware of his family alongside […]

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

Film Title

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

Synopsis

How to make magic boring

Director

David Yates

Cast

Eddie Redmayne
Jude Law
Mads Mikkelson
Ezra Miller


We are often faced with choices in life that we wish we could go back and choose again. While walking into the screening of Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore, I was presented with a choice of schwag for the film – would I like a movie poster or a reusable, cloth grocery bag? As […]

The Wire: HBO- 2002-2008

Film Title

The Wire

Synopsis

The Baltimore drug scene, where the chance of young black men living past 25 is slim

Director

David Simon

Cast

Dominic West
Lance Reddick
Sonja Sohn
Wendell Pierce
Idris Elba
Michael Kenneth Williams
Seth Gilliam
Jamie Hector
Felicia Pearson

I recently re-watched most of this great series that ran for 5 seasons on HBO. This series is one of the most stark and brutal shows ever presented on television. It spotlights the drug scene in Baltimore, Maryland. Here is my comprehensive review and the plot summary. “N*gg*r “Bitch” “Faggot” “Ho” “Dog” “Yo” “It’s all […]