Land of Mine (sandet)

Film Title

Land of Mine (sandet)

Synopsis

German POW’s are forced to clear beaches of land mines

Director

Martin Zandvliet

Cast

Roland Moller
Louis Hofmann
Joel Basman
Laura Bro
Mads Riisom

Land of Mine (sandet) 1 hour 40 minutes, R for extreme bodily mutilation. Fair Value of Land of Mine: $9.00. It falls in a middle range of films about ordnance disposal, better than The Hurt Locker but not as good as Bravo Two Zero. The Summer Camp from Hell: To the innocents are bequeathed the […]

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

Film Title

Beauty and the Beast (2017)

Synopsis

Disney proves, yet again, that you don’t actually care about how many reboots, remakes, sequels, or franchise films there are.

Director

Bill Condon

Cast

Emma Watson
Dan Stevens
Kevin Kline
Luke Evans
Josh Gad
Ewan McGregor
Gugu Mbatha-Raw
Audra MacDonald
Emma Thompson
Stanley Tucci
Ian McKellan

I get that I am not the audience for Beauty and the Beast. I am not a fan of musicals. I am not a ten-year-old girl who doesn’t care about plot holes or young women being held against their will. I do not find buffaloes attractive, not even rich, royal buffaloes. I do not care […]

The Red Turtle

Film Title

The Red Turtle

Synopsis

The dialogue-less film follows the major life stages of a castaway on a deserted tropical island populated by turtles, crabs and birds.

Director

Michael Dudok de wit

Cast

Animated Feature

The Red Turtle 90 minutes, Rated G Fair Value of The Red Turtle:$9.00. Beautiful art and animation at a languid pace. Is this film worth my time? Do you like the idea of Herge, Miyazaki, and Gauguin working together? This film is a moving picture in the truest sense, a 90 minute montage of art. […]

Kong: Skull Island

Film Title

Kong: Skull Island

Synopsis

Monkey see, monkey kill.

Director

Jordan Vogt-Roberts

Cast

Tom Hiddleston
Samuel L. Jackson
John Goodman
Brie Larson
Jing Tian
Toby Kebbell
John Ortiz
Corey Hawkins
John C. Reilly

After nearly forty years living on Earth, it’s not often that movies surprise me, but when they do it’s like I’m eight years old at Christmas again. When you’re an adult opening presents, you almost always know what’s inside that wrapping paper, but when you’re eight, that package could contain anything from an action figure […]

Moonlight

Film Title

Moonlight

Synopsis

A Silent Movie about a gay, black, celibate drug dealer

Director

Barry Jenkins

Cast

Mahershala Ali
Shariff Earp
Duan Sanderson
Alex R. Hibbert
Janelle Monae
Naomie Harris
Jaden Piner
Ashton Sanders

After the biggest and most ridiculous gaff in Oscar history (If you’re working or driving, don’t text), Moonlight was belatedly awarded the coveted Best Picture Oscar, not by Warren Beatty, but by the gracious director of La La Land. The pressure to love and praise the 2017 Best Film was beyond irresistible. After all, I […]

Ranking The 12 Sexiest Characters From Taboo

Everyone knows the world’s sexiest people lived in 19th century Britain.

Is Stephen King good or Isn’t He?

A necessary word of caution for anybody expecting even a few words flirting with the warm, comfortable familiarity of the “Is Stephen King good or Isn’t He” diametric war of attrition. Typically, to the utter despair of anybody unfortunate enough to be close enough to listen, I’m happy – delighted even – to hold forth […]

Table 19

Film Title

Table 19

Synopsis

The longest wedding reception ever.

Director

Jeffrey Blitz

Cast

Anna Kendrick
Lisa Kudrow
Craig Robinson
June Squibb
Wyatt Russell
Stephen Merchant
Tony Revolori

As we discussed our opinions of Table 19 following its screening, one person mentioned that there are hardly any romantic comedies being made these days. After thinking about it for a moment, I realized the only one I could think of from 2016 was Deadpool. It is too a romantic comedy, just a guy’s romantic […]

Logan

Film Title

Logan

Synopsis

Wolverine fights old age, an old man, a ten-year old, a terminator arm, and himself.

Director

James Mangold

Cast

Hugh Jackman
Patrick Stewart
Dafne Keen
Stephen Merchant
Boyd Holbrook
Richard E. Grant
Elizabeth Rodriguez

As I’ve said on multiple occasions, you probably aren’t going to find more of a Wolverine homer than yours truly. I inexplicably told you to see X-Men Origins: Wolverine twice and gushed about The Wolverine without mentioning how kind of terrible the Silver Samurai was portrayed (though I stand by The Wolverine being an excellent […]

Get Out

Film Title

Get Out

Synopsis

When a couple visits the girlfriend’s parents, interracial dating is set back 75 years as a mind is a terrible thing to waste.

Director

Jordan Peele

Cast

Daniel Kaluuya
Allison Williams
Catherine Keener
Bradford Whitford
Betty Gabriel
Marcus Henderson
LaKeith Stanfield
Caleb Landry Jones
LilRel Howery

Get Out is a masterpiece of impossibility made into a wonderful horror movie. It is a first time effort by writer and director Jordan Peele who is a comedy writer known for the TV series Key and Peele and a few other things. How about a great horror thriller with elements of The Stepford Wives, […]